Losing my brother to cancer.

He's twelve years older than me and left home when I was five so I never really knew him. He went to college, got married, was an officer in the navy overseas as a doctor. Then in San Diego. Then taught at the University. Then moved to West Virginia so he could be in the reserves near DC. They had three kids. He came down with prostate cancer about twenty years ago. Must have been around 52. His need for an incontinence device led me to set up my company as a side project. Last night he called to say that it has metastisized throughout his body and he starts palliative care next Friday. I'm not sure if I'm feeling shock of his imminent demise or if I'm upset at my not being more upset or maybe it just hasn't hit me yet. He was more of a mythological hero in my life than a real person. I know he had flaws. He had lots of girlfriends throughout his life and career. He was of a time before mine when men were expected to behave differently. I guess I'll miss him. He was up at the farm with me this summer so at least we had that. I asked if he wanted me to come out but he said no. Maybe he'll change his mind. My son would like to see him again.