This month is usually pretty rough for me

It's been five years now and around this time, all the memories start flooding back in from that awful experience. But I like to think I manage a little better every year, having less flashbacks and anxiety. Even though I still like to put it off until near the end of the month to actually step out and address it. I guess it will always be a touchy thing for me to open up about considering. I still wish I wasn't here most of the time, but a couple other life-threatening experiences I've had since then shows that life is insistent on keeping me around for some sick reason. I suppose I should keep those who didn't survive in mind and be thankful that I did. But I'd switch places with one in a heartbeat if I could.