I Am a Brain Tumor Survivor
Since my brain tumor is pretty much gone, I think now is a good time to give a full assessment of my experience with this. It feels long overdue so here it goes. It's probably going to be the lengthiest post I've ever made so if you think you're up for reading it, make sure you have a few minutes.
It was last year in December when I first started really noticing my headaches. They were just off and on for a while at first but earlier this year in late January and early February, they were just occurring nonstop and were so strong that pain medicine was hardly doing anything. I didn't think it was anything serious and figured it was stress-related or something as I've gotten pretty bad headaches due to stress before. But my girlfriend insisted that I go the doctor and so I scheduled an appointment to get myself looked at.
When I was at the doctor's office for my appointment, I really wasn't expecting the news they gave me. They told me they had discovered early signs of a brain tumor developing on the right portion of my brain. I was shocked to hear that but I actually wasn't really scared by it. It's difficult to explain how I felt but I was mostly thinking "Well crap, what am I going to do now?" But the doctor was reassuring me that the outlook is usually positive when they're able to find brain tumors early and he seemed confident that they would be able to treat me and told me that I would likely have to start undergoing treatments while taking medication for several months.
My girlfriend was the first one I broke the news to. I'll never forget the look on her face when I told her. She was absolutely distraught. Any lack of fear that I had when I learned about it, she more than made up for. She just broke down. I feel horrible for putting her through this. Part of me wished she had left me so she wouldn't have to go through the continuing emotional impact on her that would come over the next several months. But she said she would stick with me no matter and do everything she can for me to help me get better. And she did.
Later, I told my parents and they were both of course shocked by the news. My mom handled it a little better than my poor dad. He took it pretty hard too. But both of my parents pledged to help me and would go on to cover the majority of my medical expenses. I tried to tell them not to but they were always insistent. I'll never be able to repay them for all they did for me either.
I told my sister as well but I withheld it from her for some time because she was pregnant during the time I got diagnosed with my tumor and I feared telling her would cause her a great deal of stress which wouldn't be good for her baby. When I did tell her, she handled it a lot better than I thought she would. She was still shocked and upset by it but she remained optimistic that I would get better and tried not to stress it too much. Although there were times where she still worried about me a great deal.
When I was able to get a more in-depth diagnosis on my tumor from the doctors, they too became more optimistic that they would be able to treat me. They said it would take several months and require a lot of treatment but they said the odds were in my favor and that I probably wouldn't even need surgery. I grew increasingly skeptical of this as my condition worsened overtime but I'll get to that later.
I eventually started undergoing treatments that primarily involved radiation therapy while keeping the tumor under observation via CT and MRI scans. The radiation therapy was the most effective treatment against the tumor but it was also the most debilitating for me. Over time, it ended up giving me radiation sickness. My skin turned very pale, it caused a lot of redness around my eyelids and I frequently became nauseous and unable to eat.
The tumor itself had plenty of negative effects on me too. I felt constant headaches that got so bad, it would make me totally immobile because I couldn't stand the pain. Then I started having seizures. Physically, those were the absolute worst effects my tumor had on me. It was a harrowing experience every time. I would rather have had a constant headache throughout the entirety of my illness than have gone through a single seizure.
It also caused drastic changes to my personality. I became more negative, ill-tempered, aggressive and delusional. I would fly off the handle toward the doctors and physicians and accuse them of lying to me about being able to treat me as my health would decline. I became delusional toward my friends and family and started doubting if any of them really cared for me. Even with my girlfriend, I would grow short with her and just be completely negative about my situation.
I feel terrible about all of it now. I know it was largely due to the effects the tumor had on me but still, I just hate myself even more for everything that I did and said. Especially for my girlfriend and everything I put her through. But no matter how negative and shitty I got, no matter how helpless she felt when my health would get worse, no matter how many times she had to cry her eyes out for me, she stayed with me and did her best to support me all throughout. I can't convey enough words to express how grateful I am for her. I am truly lucky to have her in my life...
After months of illness and treatments, I finally started showing signs of my tumor healing. That was a great sign that I was going to start getting healthy soon and sure enough, after several more appointments, they told me I was most assuredly going to get better before the end of the Summer. A little more than seven months after my diagnosis, my brain tumor had been successfully treated.
I personally had and still do have mixed feelings about me getting better. But everyone else has been overjoyed that I've recovered so I've just tried to be positive about it too. I'm still not at 100% just yet, however. My brain tumor may be gone but some of the effects of radiation sickness are still present. My skin tone is no longer pale but I still have a lingering redness around my eyes and I still feel fatigued and nauseous from time to time. I no longer experience any of the effects from my brain tumor but it did leave behind a cataract in my right eye that I'm supposed to get removed in January 2018.
All in all, this has been one of the absolute worst things I have ever experienced in my life. If not the very worst! Just the physical and emotional trauma I and the people around me experienced have just been terrible. But I consider myself fortunate that I was able to get through it like I did. Suffice it to say, it could have been much worse. Much, much worse. I guess I'm thankful that it wasn't and that I am starting to get back to full health. I also learned quite a a lot from this experience, some of which have changed me for the better. But that's a topic for another post.
Thank you very much for reading.
It was last year in December when I first started really noticing my headaches. They were just off and on for a while at first but earlier this year in late January and early February, they were just occurring nonstop and were so strong that pain medicine was hardly doing anything. I didn't think it was anything serious and figured it was stress-related or something as I've gotten pretty bad headaches due to stress before. But my girlfriend insisted that I go the doctor and so I scheduled an appointment to get myself looked at.
When I was at the doctor's office for my appointment, I really wasn't expecting the news they gave me. They told me they had discovered early signs of a brain tumor developing on the right portion of my brain. I was shocked to hear that but I actually wasn't really scared by it. It's difficult to explain how I felt but I was mostly thinking "Well crap, what am I going to do now?" But the doctor was reassuring me that the outlook is usually positive when they're able to find brain tumors early and he seemed confident that they would be able to treat me and told me that I would likely have to start undergoing treatments while taking medication for several months.
My girlfriend was the first one I broke the news to. I'll never forget the look on her face when I told her. She was absolutely distraught. Any lack of fear that I had when I learned about it, she more than made up for. She just broke down. I feel horrible for putting her through this. Part of me wished she had left me so she wouldn't have to go through the continuing emotional impact on her that would come over the next several months. But she said she would stick with me no matter and do everything she can for me to help me get better. And she did.
Later, I told my parents and they were both of course shocked by the news. My mom handled it a little better than my poor dad. He took it pretty hard too. But both of my parents pledged to help me and would go on to cover the majority of my medical expenses. I tried to tell them not to but they were always insistent. I'll never be able to repay them for all they did for me either.
I told my sister as well but I withheld it from her for some time because she was pregnant during the time I got diagnosed with my tumor and I feared telling her would cause her a great deal of stress which wouldn't be good for her baby. When I did tell her, she handled it a lot better than I thought she would. She was still shocked and upset by it but she remained optimistic that I would get better and tried not to stress it too much. Although there were times where she still worried about me a great deal.
When I was able to get a more in-depth diagnosis on my tumor from the doctors, they too became more optimistic that they would be able to treat me. They said it would take several months and require a lot of treatment but they said the odds were in my favor and that I probably wouldn't even need surgery. I grew increasingly skeptical of this as my condition worsened overtime but I'll get to that later.
I eventually started undergoing treatments that primarily involved radiation therapy while keeping the tumor under observation via CT and MRI scans. The radiation therapy was the most effective treatment against the tumor but it was also the most debilitating for me. Over time, it ended up giving me radiation sickness. My skin turned very pale, it caused a lot of redness around my eyelids and I frequently became nauseous and unable to eat.
The tumor itself had plenty of negative effects on me too. I felt constant headaches that got so bad, it would make me totally immobile because I couldn't stand the pain. Then I started having seizures. Physically, those were the absolute worst effects my tumor had on me. It was a harrowing experience every time. I would rather have had a constant headache throughout the entirety of my illness than have gone through a single seizure.
It also caused drastic changes to my personality. I became more negative, ill-tempered, aggressive and delusional. I would fly off the handle toward the doctors and physicians and accuse them of lying to me about being able to treat me as my health would decline. I became delusional toward my friends and family and started doubting if any of them really cared for me. Even with my girlfriend, I would grow short with her and just be completely negative about my situation.
I feel terrible about all of it now. I know it was largely due to the effects the tumor had on me but still, I just hate myself even more for everything that I did and said. Especially for my girlfriend and everything I put her through. But no matter how negative and shitty I got, no matter how helpless she felt when my health would get worse, no matter how many times she had to cry her eyes out for me, she stayed with me and did her best to support me all throughout. I can't convey enough words to express how grateful I am for her. I am truly lucky to have her in my life...
After months of illness and treatments, I finally started showing signs of my tumor healing. That was a great sign that I was going to start getting healthy soon and sure enough, after several more appointments, they told me I was most assuredly going to get better before the end of the Summer. A little more than seven months after my diagnosis, my brain tumor had been successfully treated.
I personally had and still do have mixed feelings about me getting better. But everyone else has been overjoyed that I've recovered so I've just tried to be positive about it too. I'm still not at 100% just yet, however. My brain tumor may be gone but some of the effects of radiation sickness are still present. My skin tone is no longer pale but I still have a lingering redness around my eyes and I still feel fatigued and nauseous from time to time. I no longer experience any of the effects from my brain tumor but it did leave behind a cataract in my right eye that I'm supposed to get removed in January 2018.
All in all, this has been one of the absolute worst things I have ever experienced in my life. If not the very worst! Just the physical and emotional trauma I and the people around me experienced have just been terrible. But I consider myself fortunate that I was able to get through it like I did. Suffice it to say, it could have been much worse. Much, much worse. I guess I'm thankful that it wasn't and that I am starting to get back to full health. I also learned quite a a lot from this experience, some of which have changed me for the better. But that's a topic for another post.
Thank you very much for reading.
