vent, i hate my self.

I think most of us hate ourselves, and that's why people say ugly things like this about each other.
Crying for oneself is pathetic (and more or less useless), but crying for others is just a sign of a big heart.
Eating too much is fine, but usually people do this habitually to numb out (which goes back to emotions).
Maybe you need to grow into being more comfortable with unpleasant emotions.
We're all enduring our secret wars.
Have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy?
Those would probably be able to help you find that control you need.

Ever tought about that your not the problem?