I Have An Eating Disorder

I have been struggling very hard with binge/purge. When I relapse it lasts for days, multiple times a day (I honestly can't go a week without relapsing). Yesterday and today I have been throwing up blood because I tore my esophagus from purging so much. I need to stop. I have beautiful teeth I don't want to destroy. I just want to be healthy, but I also want to be thin. I am determined to make this my final day of purging. Tomorrow I want to work on losing weight but in a healthy way. I want to have the confidence to see friends again and not hide away because I'm too depressed about my binge/purges. Please give me strength.