I Had An Eating Disorder

I am not sure if I will ever ‘fully’ recover. I still count calories, I still skip meals, I still cry over my body. But I’m maintaining a healthy weight, so I must be fine, right?

I know deep down I’m still ill. I want to be skinny. Living like this will never bring me the satisfaction that losing weight brought me. I was always so happy when I stepped on the scale and lost weight. It made me believe I was doing something right; that I was improving in some aspect of my life. It makes me so upset to know that I will never be able to live that again. I’ll always be stuck wanting what I can’t have.