This old man came rolling home

A long time ago I had a surgery for which they gave me oxycodone. Avoiding addiction I took only two or three to stave off anticipated pain. I kept the rest. It's nice to know I have the means to take my life whenever. There have been a few days where I just pop the cap and stare into bottle and as I stare, the promise of death draws me in. I've noticed my hand drifting closer in those times and not just because the bottle is eventually at my mouth. If I can ever work up the nerve to tip the bottle, that will be the end. Once I've compromised the integrity of the medication I won't have another way out and that would be worse.