Is something wrong with me?

I have a confession. I am in my late 30’s but never had a boyfriend or serious relationship. I don’t know, maybe the problem is me. I had strict parents growing up so I wasn’t allowed to date. I couldn’t invite people over or go to a friend’s house. Yes it truly sucked. By the time I went off to college in my early 20’s, most guys were looking for a fling or something casual, not a serious relationship. After I finished college I focused more on advancing my career and now here I am. I’m educated, with my own car, living in my own space but still single and it kills me. I’d love so much to be in a serious relationship, get married and live that perfect fairytale life. But I just can’t seem to shake the feeling that it will just never happen for me. I don’t usually suffer from anxiety but I am also an INTP/Melancholic so it is extremely difficult for me to approach someone (as I always anticipate rejection). I’ve been told in the past that I’m too sensitive, (guess I’ve been around the wrong personalities which has caused me to find it even harder to open up to someone. Any recommendations on what I should/could do? Sorry for the long post.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

DunningKruger · 61-69, M

You need to date. You cannot expect to go from zero to serious relationship while skipping the steps in between.

You date, or at the very least socialize with people. If the person you're dating doesn't work for you, you end that relationship, or at least that part of the relationship, and look for someone else.

You spend time with someone. You meet their friends and family, they meet your friends and family. You both decide if you want to spend the rest of your lives together. If no, you end that part of the relationship and move on.

If yes, however, you move forward. Probably you have sex and see if you're compatible that way. Maybe you move in together and see if you like living together.

If that seems to be OK, then you both decide to move forward and make it official. You get engaged. You get married. If those are things you both want to do. It could be that you stay together for the rest of your lives without marrying. That works, too.

But you have to put in the work. You need to meet people you might have some interest in, then find out if you do have interest in them and if they have interest in you.