Love & Attraction

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Why do first dates have to be expensive/extravagant?

I matched with this chick on a dating app. We've been talking for about a week now, things were going pretty good. I asked her out and she agreed, I suggested a popular food spot. It's not an expensive restaurant but the food is pretty good. After that suggestion we unmatched, I am assuming she unmatched me. These days in seems many (not all) women want the first date to be at an expensive luxury restaurant. In my opinion, first dates are just meet ups, just to get to know each other. What happened to going to the movies, coffee or tea shop etc... I am saying this because it happens a lot. But then again, she could've unmatched by accident and I may be overeacting.

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Nick1 · 61-69, M

She was interested in your wallet, not food. Lol

DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F

I prefer casual first dates. Let's just go grab a drink somewhere that has good music. Nothing fancy, wear your jeans, Idc.

Freeranger · M

Buddy, you "unmatched" yourself from a douche. How else can it be said? Consider yourself fortunate.
The other half of that coin lies in keeping your eyes open, relying LESS on dating app's and doing the physical work of putting yourself out there in the world.....join something, take tours, avail yourself of groups that do things within your interests....sooner or later, I'd predict that, you will one day meet a very nice woman. The nice part is....your mutual attraction to the things that interest you both.
You just have to be patient and take the long view sometimes.....really nice women are worth waiting for don't you think?

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zonavar68 · 51-55, M

@Freeranger The Cult of the Branch Covidian is one such 'unicorn' then. 8-)

Freeranger · M

@zonavar68 Wonderful backstroke there....
Parallels that Waco series I've begun watching though, horrible place for relationships I've read.
We can defer to your insight.

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

@Freeranger Yet just watch an Ep of that 'Fixer Upper' show and you'll be led to believe that Waco is a beautiful town never touched by the events of the botched BATF invasion of the former Branch Davidian stronghold in 1993.

Fantabulous · 46-50, F

Ya sometimes I think these people are fakes and then they realise that they can't actually meet up because they've been lying...I've seen this similar thing happen with a few of my single friends on dating apps.

Evened · 51-55, M

Simply, they don't, you did everything right. You showed who you are and how you are and if that doesn't meet the others expectations, it won't change in the future.

Northwest · M

You did not refer to her as a 'Chick', did you?

Pinkstarburst

I always preferred meeting for coffee on a first date. Only committed to one cup in case the person was a schmuck.

SheCallsMeCrushDaddy · M

@Pinkstarburst my last first date was a cup of coffee. That was 5 yrs ago. She must have liked the coffee a lot. 😀

AndrewF · 51-55

When it's casual day game or regular apps like Tinder, the stakes aren't usually that high. You can just meet up, see if there's a vibe, and keep it simple with coffee shop or ice cream dates.

But when it comes to platforms like Sugarbook or Seeking Arrangements, things are often a bit more upscale. I mean, if I'm bringing them on a date there, I'd expect it to be a 4-star restaurant at least, with a fancy lobster dinner. Maybe even throw in a nice show or event, and to top it off, a stay at a luxurious 5-star hotel

Threepio

I agree with you.

To me.... a first date is like an interview... as in... how compatible are we? So, I see them as low key meets where conversation is the main course.

To me.... Expensive restaurants are for special occasions such as birthdays or anniversaries.

Footnote: I have seen way too many of my friends spend a small fortune on expensive first dates only to suspect that the date was agreed to so that the other party could experience some 'fine dining' on another's dime.

SheCallsMeCrushDaddy · M

she did you a favor. plenty of fish out there. life is too short for bullshit.

TexChik · F

Let it go . Not everyone is a match . Without interacting in person over time how can anyone know anything about someone ? I am told everyone involved in internet dating sites edits their photos and embellishes their accomplishments and activities. If everyone feels they can’t be honest about who they are online, why would you need that in your life ?

Livingwell · 61-69, M

I had a woman accept a date and take her to dinner. In the middle of it she informs me that she's moving out of state the following week. I asked her why post for a date and putting all this fake stuff like she was a night person, etc? She said she just wanted a free meal. I should have thrown my dinner at her but kept my cool, paid, and left.

tallpowerhouseblonde · 31-35, F

@Livingwell You should have told her you were going to the gents then actually walked out of the restaurant leaving her with the bill to pay.

BarbossasHusband · 36-40, M

Good riddance

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

I've [i]never[/i] had an extravagant first date... is this a your generation thing or a you pick extra girls thing?

lim1212 · 36-40, M

This is early red flag is you're looking for a long term partner. I would say if you're looking for intimacy then this is the way, this is how they act. Pay up, for what you can demand for later. In sugarbook my dates don't explicitly say sex but they give the sign by asking for something expensive. This could have been it and I would have taken it.

tallpowerhouseblonde · 31-35, F

It's called a foodie date.She used you to get a free meal.It's a regular move by some that have no romantic interest in you they just want you to pay for their food then it's "this isn't going to work out" or you get ghosted.At least the meal was not expensive for you.Now you know this move you can move on with lesson learned.

kutee · T

best first dat eis in a bar,

Adrift · 61-69, F

My first date with my spouse he took me to a nice restaurant. Although it was nice, it just wasn't my thing. Too uncomfortable and too much pressure to make conversation.
I got to pick the next date and we went to a water park.
I dont know about him but I sure had a blast.

RuyLopez · 56-60, M

She did you a favor.

zonavar68 · 51-55, M

they don't. Coffee, maybe a light meal (lunch) a walk/chat. Then expect the person to tell you the next day there was no 'vibe/feeling/connection' and you can be friends - like wtf?. Happens all the time for me.

Scribbles · 36-40, F

I agree with you. It's a waste to make first dates extravagant. Something casual and low key is best.

Penny · 46-50, F

maybe she just got cold feet and deleted her account or something

MartinTheFirst · 26-30, M

Many girls use simps to get free food and drinks on dating sites.

Lilnonames · F

I went to Nascar speed park and raced go carts. Then got ice cream and walked on beach

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