Maybe I’m not gay or into guys.

@BohemianBabe it’s so hot when you talk about sexuality

@Jokekilla 😍

@SW-User I’ve seen 3 therapist and none can help. Maybe I need to see a psychologist, because having sex with the same gender is all I know, and I guess is “normal” in my brain. But I know that it’s wrong and coming from the abuse that I never really solved.
It’s weird to think cause I have physical evidence that I was like a straight kid when I was small I had girlfriends and my mom has a photo album of me with them but after the abuse everything changed.
After I had sex with guys…I feel disgusted and I hate myself for what I did because it wasn’t right. But yet I keep going back for more but it doesn’t feel right, it just feels right when they use my body for their pleasure…

@Jokekilla Having sex with the same gender here, should really not matter - unless that is not what you want. Finding a compatiable therapist is not easy, and options are often limited. I had one at one time, I swear I could trick, and each time I did it became easier. One day, I brought up how my father died, years in. She thought it was the first time. It wasn't. I never saw her again.

I know people tie together their selves and their sexuality; but don't get overwhelmed by it please - you aren't groping children, you aren't fantasing sex with (take your pick).... sexuality itself is normal.

I do feel some healing, acceptance, away from insecurity you have buried, tucked away is of order, though.

@Jokekilla I love fucking guys

@ChiefJustWalks it’s weird cause I let them use my body for their sexual pleasure which like kinda turns me on, but I feel disgusted after.

@Jokekilla did you live your life around people that might make you feel ashamed for your sexuality? Because that's the main thing I can think of. Like maybe you feel grossed out because that post-nut clarity reminds you of how much you're trying to shove those feelings away based on what your mind thinks is right. & What your mind thinks, isn't always based on your own feelings. Just what you were taught.

Idk if any of that makes sense I'm pretty drunk rn tbh

@ChiefJustWalks yeah I try to suppress those feelings, cause idk I guess I of religion and it was pushed into me that if I’m gay im going to hell, but the person who abused me was a religious person…so….it fucks me up cause I don’t know what to believe or think anymore. I’m just a confused mess

@CrazyMusicLover idk..