When you date someone...

Do you consciously (or subconsciously) think about what you offer, or "bring to the table "?
Or do you just go in hoping you will simply click/have fun?
I think I feel I dont bring that much to the table, so I get super nervous, and feel who would want someone with the anxiety I have?😢🌺💗

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Kodel · 26-30, M Best Comment

I think that when you have the whole "bringing stuff to the table" mindset right off the bat, it gives you too much cause to rule people out as well as rule yourself out. It's too easy to fall on either side of the spectrum, either thinking, "This person doesn't bring enough to the table," or, "I don't bring enough to the table." In my opinion, that conversation is had much further down the line, after the mutual attraction based on who you both are is already established. When you meet someone who's truly compatible with you personality wise and the attraction is mutual, the whole "bringing things to the table," isn't the forefront but an ongoing discussion and effort to make lives as enjoyable and smooth for each other as possible.
That's my take anyway.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Kodel Your reply is really reflective, ty so much. I know others bring something, because they most likely have already had long term relationships, or several years of dating...I dont even have that as a basis. Anxiety h as been a big part of my life, so I guess instead of only wondering, What do I give or bring to a relationship?, I also wonder is my anxiety going to scare a guy off or ditch me. I feel they are not getting a whole person , and I may have to say no to social activities they want to do. I fear they would tire easy of me, and its daunting.😕

Kodel · 26-30, M

@Coralmist I understand a decent amount of your concerns. I've never even had a relationship, nor even been on a date, despite the amount of effort I've put in towards that end. To me, dating or relationship experience only means something if you're with the same person. If you date one person, it's not exactly a manual to date all or even some people. The first and foremost rule I have is "be yourself." If you have to try too hard or you end up having a "is this even on?" moment, then there's probably better things to do with your time. As painful of a revelation as it is for people who really want a relationship, eventually you do a return on investment analysis and realise that it's been a fairly large waste of time. I know that the whole "doing me" thing is a bit of a stereotype but it's also true. We not only have no choice as we can't manufacture success in that department, but we also find fulfillment in chasing our dreams. If no one wants, not only to hop on board our ship or ask you to board theirs, you've still got your purpose and direction. If anything, you may even be a little more sovereign for it as you can wholeheartedly follow your personal dreams without the distractions that partnership brings. It might be a bit bittersweet, but it's better than all bitter that's for sure.

Lyfis2live

@Kodel You are too mature for your shown age.
Blessings.

Kodel · 26-30, M

@Lyfis2live Many thanks for the compliment. Sadly though, life doesn't permit us to stay children as long as we might want.

KyleRenn · 36-40, M

@Kodel That's super well said. Know that it just helped at least one person out, for sure.

KyleRenn · 36-40, M

@Kodel Thanks for this.