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Am I wrong?

I've been talking to this guy I met on Social Media for about 2 months. Things have been going well and I've told my family about him.

Last night he mentioned that he didn't like that and anything regarding him I should've asked him.

I was shocked and taken aback a bit.

It took me some time to gather my thoughts and respond because it kinda came out of left field. He mentioned that he was a private person and for reasons he choose not to disclose he just didn't want me to do that again.


In summary, I told him, that anybody who is that private I don't need to be talking to. I told him that I wanted to honor and respect his request, but I am not going to negate who I am either.

1, I told close family about him because we've been talking for a couple of months and if anything does happen between us, they would know that it wasn't all of a sudden and that we actually have been establishing a relationship over the x amount of time.

Everything that I told them about him he already put on social media.

I told him that we needed to come up with a compromise because I refuse to go back to living in secrecy.

I didn't think anything wrong with telling close family about him since I liked him and we'd been getting to know each other. That, I think should be a good thing. If I didn't tell my family about him, means that I don't care about him and don't see anything happening in the future.


This is the first real issue we have had in the two months we've been talking.

He basically said I was making it into a bigger issue, but I disagree. I think it's something that we need to talk about and iron out because if we do move forward and this issue arises again, it could break us up if it gets to that point.


EDIT: I did have a discussion with him about this after this post and after some back and forth, he finally revealed the real reason.

He doesn't want me to tell my family our business, (now and if we progress) particularly if we have an argument he doesn't want his name to be dragged through the mud which I had to tell him he needs to trust me not to do that; if we have an argument It'll be between us (and this anonymous forum 😂)

But he revealed that he does have some hurt from the past

Bottom line is he needs to be healed before we enter into a real relationship.

He is afraid to get too attached even though he is open to a potential future. He is afraid of getting hurt.

Y'all pray for us, I think we can overcome this, but he needs some healing from past heartaches.

Thanks for reading and thanks for the responses.
LilPrincess · 46-50, F
You didn't do anything wrong in my opinion. I have been in that situation. My guess is this dude is married which has been my experience or has a girlfriend.


I won't ever be someones secret and you shouldn't be either.
Ontheroad · M
@LilPrincess exactly!
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
I think you have a good head on your shoulders and are holding your boundaries appropriately. He's being shady.
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@Starcrossed thank you. I've learned a lot over the years. And even though I want to respect how he feels, I felt like this went too far. I was respectful in my response to him regarding it.
luckranger71 · 51-55, M
Big red flag. If those are coming this early, that’s not a good sign.
Ontheroad · M
In my opinion, anybody that private is hiding something and him acting that way would send up huge red flags.
I don't know why he's walking on eggshells around it. That's not a good sign and you can talk to whomever you want about him. That's weird. I don't know where his head is at. This isn't a healthy behavior. Who cares who you talk to about him. That is strange. That's a red flag.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
If I understand it well, you are dating, right? I don't see why should it be a problem that you told your family about him.
Or is it possible that he doesn't see you two as close as you do and freaked out and got cold feet?

On the other hand, someone saying he's a private person and for reasons he choose not to disclose...eh, sounds shady. Only two things come to my mind: 1) being on the paranoid side 2) doing something he knows he shouldn't be doing, possibly unlawful
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@CrazyMusicLover Yeah but that's the thing, we aren't dating. We aren't exclusive, we haven't met in person, we are just talking, getting to know each other to see if we are compatible with each other to date. This is still the "first stage".
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@sweetiepoo Ahh, then it's possible he freaked out that you rushed the things and started thinking that you plan something big while he just wants to chat without any commitments. He doesn't need to be married or in a relationship, he probably just doesn't want any commitments yet.
There's also an explanation that he has a nosy family members that have no sense of privacy and thinks yours are the same and that your conversations might get to some other person etc. Either way, it still feels like overreaction to me.
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@CrazyMusicLover I highly doubt it based on the nature of our conversations. Even though we are just talking, we both shared our desire to go further with each other and how we are both looking for potential marriage. I dunno. Maybe he did freak out... Maybe we'll talk about it more and move on.
SW-User
I don't think you're wrong from your point of view.
I think he is not on the same page as you about where your relationship is. Either that is something he will get on or something he intends not to get on is something only he knows, and you might have a feeling.
So from his point of view, maybe he feels it needed to be discussed with him first.
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@SW-User yeah, I understand that, but the thing is I never said we were dating, I simply talking and getting to know him regardless if a relationship comes out of it or not. And he isn't as private ad he says as his social media page and posts have A LOT of information.

Then had the audacity when I got quiet and was thinking about what he said that I'm going to start looking at him like the world now. I told him not to group me with the world. I'm nice, I'm sweet, I'm patient, but I'm not gonna bow down to a man if his name isn't Jesus Christ. I'm not gonna lose myself to suit a man's desire either.
SW-User
@sweetiepoo your instincts are probably telling you what to do. Listen to those.
DunningKruger · 61-69, M
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@DunningKruger I highly doubt that he is married. I know that he was, but I also know that there is something he isn't telling me. Some experience he had I guess which explains his response. He didn't want to talk about it last night, but I think that it definitely needs to be addressed if we ought to move forward.
DunningKruger · 61-69, M
@sweetiepoo You should be extremely careful.
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@DunningKruger thank you. I am. I am taking it really slow (which is partly another reason I told them) If it gets to the point where we meet up I am DEFINITELY telling somebody and at least they would have known we have been talking for a while and not some instant rando online.
Teslin · M
I assume he just wanted to wait until you met in person before "going public" ?
As long as he wasn't mean or obnoxious.
If that is the case, off the list and move on.
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@Teslin thank you.
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@Teslin Oh and another thing, we live in different states so my close family members would have definitely known about him before we met up.
Teslin · M
@sweetiepoo Smart !!!
Budwick · 70-79, M
I've told my family about him

THAT is what he's upset about?

Buh-bye!
BarbossasHusband · 36-40, M
He sounds very sketchy imo.
That is a strange reaction for him to have. You are right that you should be able to discuss the issue together. The fact that he won’t disclose his reasons isn’t a great foundation to build any kind of relationship. It gives you a glimpse on what he’d be like with you in a relationship.
You’re not wrong.
That’s an interesting response from him. The sort that would make me think I’m missing something. Something big.
I only read the first paragraph of your post No just No
He’s the drama king. Better luck next time.
SteelHands · 61-69, M
Of course you're not supposed to tell anyone.
Ever hear of roaching? There's several versions of this but in all of them you're not supposed to do or expect the normal things that a partner does. You're supposed to just be a hoor and not have an opinion.


[media=https://youtu.be/rXcoXeAa2UU]
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@SteelHands No I have never heard of roaching.
JimboSaturn · 51-55, M
A red flag for me.
gdon39 · 46-50, M
I don’t believe you have done anything outside of normal human behavior.

It seems like quite a bit of overreaction on the matter by him but we’ve all had snap reactions in our lives. Still I don’t really understand his response
Kae20 · 56-60, FVIP
Doesn't sound as if you've done anything wrong. In fact his reaction is the opposite of some one who wishes to create something serious.
He's a creep and you should stop talking to him.. he's probably married and a psycho or some shit
Diotrephes · 70-79, M
Sounds like he's trying to avoid being the #1 on the suspects' list.
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@Diotrephes lol I jokingly thought about this as well.
CassandraSissy · 26-30, T
Sweetie, you need to meet up in person....

😘
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@CassandraSissy Oh I know. Because we live in different states it's not as easy, but maybe one of these days if we still see it going somewhere.
Miram · 31-35, F
It is simple. He is in another relationship.
Ontheroad · M
@Miram yep, that is very likely exactly it.
Wow! Sometimes I think that people should atleast have longer interaction like atleast for a year and usually long distance relationship is becoming boring for people.
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@littlepuppywantanewlife Oh! Yes, absolutely! I definitely know and acknowledge that I don't fully know this man yet, and I am taking it very slow. In my other comments, I made it clear that I didn't tell my family that we are dating or in a relationship, I just simply told them that I was talking to a guy. (getting to know him) They would've suspected something anyway because when he calls, I often leave the room to have a conversation. I talk on the phone with him for hours, and I'm texting more, so they would've asked. and I don't lie to them.

We live in different states, so if a time came when we would meet up, they would (should) have been known about him. And. And everything I told them about him is on his social media page anyway.

I'm still taking my time to get to know who he is. Not rushing into anything and not telling anyone that I'm in a relationship because that isn't what it is yet if at all.
@sweetiepoo That's a good idea. Good luck! 🙂
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
RubySoo · 56-60, F
You are not wrong at all. But, i'll hazzard a guess hes not ready for yr relationship to be anything other than online and its likely, your are not the only lady hes close to online.
SW-User
He is not in it for the long haul I'm guessing in which case he should have been straight forward about it from the get go.
This message was deleted by its author.
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@SW-User Yes, in my prior relationship, I kept it a secret for 6 months. and I did thank this new guy for telling me because yes he was honest and it does need to be discussed.
This message was deleted by its author.
sweetiepoo · 36-40, F
@SW-User Thanks I hope so too.

 
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