2cool4school · 46-50, F
I love smoking opium. Been years but I can still remember that feeling.
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Arorin · M
@2cool4school we glamorize athletes and sports so much but we only hear the stories of the successful. They say most people don't make it, but we dont talk about how many dont make it because of life changing injuries. I was set to fight professionally until war change me and i got hurt over there.
2cool4school · 46-50, F
@Arorin I’m so sorry to hear that. I know how difficult and depressing that losing the ability to do an activity that’s a passion can be. I can’t imagine how much more difficult it would be to lose it because of an injury related to a sacrifice that yuh made to serve the needs of the country. I hope that you’re doing other things that you enjoy but I can understand that nothing can replace your true passions and your feelings for not being able to do them must be hard to live with. I’m grateful for your service and your sacrifice and I’m greatly appreciative and I really wish things were different so that you could do that which you loved and enjoyed. I don’t want to sound like I’m patronizing but it may be a blessing in disguise with what I know about traumatic brain injuries and the type of damage that they cause our brains. I don’t think I have any way to measure my own affects from my plethora of concussions and brain damage due to traumatic brain injury’s. But I have had to deal with the loss of my sense of taste (and smell) which greatly affected my appetite and I lost so much weight and was skeletal to the extent that I was told that losing that much again would be permanently damaging to my body. It took Prozac for 6+ months to get back to a normal weight and I was back in the mountains the very next season. I didn’t even miss out on working. I was a student at the time of the head trauma and I had to move back to my parents for what was the first of several times and all because of injuries/surgeries. I actually had a fairly well paying job for my age (20) and I only left the job because I didn’t want to work in the position I was promoted to so I went back to working in a ski and board shop and stayed for a few winters (4+) before moving up to the mountains instead of just basing myself there for the heart of the winter seasons. Eventually I just got enough sponsorship that I worked as a tech rep and a sales rep for companies in the winter sports/outdoor industries on the side of my competitive career.
I did end up losing a significant amount one more time due to the pain and stress and chronic vomiting syndrome. Luckily it didn’t seem to do anything too destructive to my body as I have a very precise endocrinologist and he’s been a big help as I have knocked my body systems out of balance several times but it’s not been too permanently damaging. At least not that anyone can measure yet. I’m not going to be able to know just how badly I damaged my brain as it’s not something that can be seen until an autopsy/necropsy where the scar tissue and plaque on my brain can be found. I don’t feel like I’m going to get as lucky as I have been so far when it comes to my brain unfortunately. It’s just not something that I can easily explain but I don’t feel like everything is ok and I’m constantly trying to look for any signs of the synopsis of too many concussions and brain injuries. I know one of the outcomes for people who have had too many brain injuries happens to be depression that leads to suicide but I can’t do that to my family and I really don’t want to do anything that would result in the end of my life because even as I am in pain and depression I still feel like I have so much I still want to do. I’m fortunate (I feel) to be able to adopt the similar mentality that I have used in distance running cycling and rowing as endurance sports were once one of my strengths and I know that I can dig deeper in myself to stay motivated and to push myself further than even I know or feel I can do. I don’t have a choice either but I feel like dwelling on the bad stuff and thinking that I just can’t or don’t have the willpower to push myself through the bad stuff and the hard parts of life is only going to make feel harder and seem worse and if I believe that I can’t I’ll prove to myself that I can’t. Inversely if I believe that I can get through it I know it gives me momentum to get through the worst of it. I know I’m stronger than I believed I was. I just have to keep going with the attitude that I won’t quit I don’t quit and I will give myself the best chance as well.
I did end up losing a significant amount one more time due to the pain and stress and chronic vomiting syndrome. Luckily it didn’t seem to do anything too destructive to my body as I have a very precise endocrinologist and he’s been a big help as I have knocked my body systems out of balance several times but it’s not been too permanently damaging. At least not that anyone can measure yet. I’m not going to be able to know just how badly I damaged my brain as it’s not something that can be seen until an autopsy/necropsy where the scar tissue and plaque on my brain can be found. I don’t feel like I’m going to get as lucky as I have been so far when it comes to my brain unfortunately. It’s just not something that I can easily explain but I don’t feel like everything is ok and I’m constantly trying to look for any signs of the synopsis of too many concussions and brain injuries. I know one of the outcomes for people who have had too many brain injuries happens to be depression that leads to suicide but I can’t do that to my family and I really don’t want to do anything that would result in the end of my life because even as I am in pain and depression I still feel like I have so much I still want to do. I’m fortunate (I feel) to be able to adopt the similar mentality that I have used in distance running cycling and rowing as endurance sports were once one of my strengths and I know that I can dig deeper in myself to stay motivated and to push myself further than even I know or feel I can do. I don’t have a choice either but I feel like dwelling on the bad stuff and thinking that I just can’t or don’t have the willpower to push myself through the bad stuff and the hard parts of life is only going to make feel harder and seem worse and if I believe that I can’t I’ll prove to myself that I can’t. Inversely if I believe that I can get through it I know it gives me momentum to get through the worst of it. I know I’m stronger than I believed I was. I just have to keep going with the attitude that I won’t quit I don’t quit and I will give myself the best chance as well.
2cool4school · 46-50, F
@Arorin I like music and art but I’m just not that talented and learning anything in this much pain is like trying to drink from a firehose.
Scuba isn’t disinteresting but I live at 7800 ft elevation and it’s not the safest thing to do. Plus it’s often used in place of drugs as people get hooked on the nitrogen narcosis effect.
I just don’t think I know how to have fun unless I feel like I’m using my entire abilities and skillset because I was doing the sports I loved and lived for and I didn’t want anyone else to see me and think I wasn’t doing things well enough to justify being pro. I didn’t have a lucrative career but I felt like it was just what I was made to do. I have or had the ability to do things with my adrenaline pumping and my ADD wasn’t a hinderance when I was doing anything that could kill me or severely injure me. But it’s actually when I’m alone and doing something that I have the worst injuries because I’m pushing myself to go faster than when I’m with others. Idk why but I don’t think I do anything that I enjoy doing to try and impress anyone else. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment from something that is at the “edge of the envelope” of what’s possible for me. My mom used to always say that I’m pushing the edge of the envelope and I would say that nothing is going to happen if I don’t push myself and then I’d have to eat my words when I’d tell her that I know how my body performs and responds and I know what I’m capable of and what I’m not and what the conditions will allow as well as my equipment etc. One day I left her house at 36 and I went to skate a local spot and she didn’t think it was a good idea I told her that I knew my board like it was an extension of my body. I tore my ACL and a kind elderly couple who saw me limping and bleeding stopped to ask if I needed any help and I felt like I didn’t and I could continue to walk a little over a mile back to my parents house. I didn’t have my phone because I had broken 2 phones in less than a year from crashing with them in my pack or on my person. My mom still sees the same couple out walking and she says that they always ask about how I’m doing. They explained that I want to be able to walk and enjoy life when I’m their age (83) and I didn’t have the heart to explain to them that I’ve already lost 10-15 years from my age expectancy due to my chronic pain syndrome. I don’t want to live like I won’t grow old because then it’s bound to come true. But it’s just a reality that my pain puts a lot of added stress on my heart and therefore it’s just going to wear out faster. I do eat as well as I possibly can when I do feel hungry. I know my diet was a big factor in my performance and I stopped eating fast food and drinking soda at 19. I don’t usually eat much from restaurants unless it’s a special occasion. My mom has always been a health food advocate and she didn’t even allow us to have sugar until we were in our early teens unless we were at a birthday party we didn’t even realize what we were missing. My mom realized that it wasn’t going to be too beneficial to us if we didn’t have a little bit of sugar and we eventually got a microwave when she went back to working full time. She taught us to make things from scratch because of the ingredients in things. We avoided preservatives and ate only wheat bread and stuff that were super foods whole and health food in general. We didn’t even taste fast food until we were in our early teens and only because we were traveling and it just wasn’t easy for her to make sandwiches and stuff. But I’m so glad that I was shown that way before I was grown up and my mom is an amazing cook and she’ll make something gourmet and then she goes for flavor in addition to being a healthier way to make something but her real strength is making stuff from scratch and her recipes are extensive but she often makes stuff from memory and it’s amazing to me how it always tastes so similar even if she doesn’t think so. I believe that it was one of the best gifts that I could have ever gotten from my parents and my sister and I are going to have to find a way to keep her traditions going.
Scuba isn’t disinteresting but I live at 7800 ft elevation and it’s not the safest thing to do. Plus it’s often used in place of drugs as people get hooked on the nitrogen narcosis effect.
I just don’t think I know how to have fun unless I feel like I’m using my entire abilities and skillset because I was doing the sports I loved and lived for and I didn’t want anyone else to see me and think I wasn’t doing things well enough to justify being pro. I didn’t have a lucrative career but I felt like it was just what I was made to do. I have or had the ability to do things with my adrenaline pumping and my ADD wasn’t a hinderance when I was doing anything that could kill me or severely injure me. But it’s actually when I’m alone and doing something that I have the worst injuries because I’m pushing myself to go faster than when I’m with others. Idk why but I don’t think I do anything that I enjoy doing to try and impress anyone else. I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment from something that is at the “edge of the envelope” of what’s possible for me. My mom used to always say that I’m pushing the edge of the envelope and I would say that nothing is going to happen if I don’t push myself and then I’d have to eat my words when I’d tell her that I know how my body performs and responds and I know what I’m capable of and what I’m not and what the conditions will allow as well as my equipment etc. One day I left her house at 36 and I went to skate a local spot and she didn’t think it was a good idea I told her that I knew my board like it was an extension of my body. I tore my ACL and a kind elderly couple who saw me limping and bleeding stopped to ask if I needed any help and I felt like I didn’t and I could continue to walk a little over a mile back to my parents house. I didn’t have my phone because I had broken 2 phones in less than a year from crashing with them in my pack or on my person. My mom still sees the same couple out walking and she says that they always ask about how I’m doing. They explained that I want to be able to walk and enjoy life when I’m their age (83) and I didn’t have the heart to explain to them that I’ve already lost 10-15 years from my age expectancy due to my chronic pain syndrome. I don’t want to live like I won’t grow old because then it’s bound to come true. But it’s just a reality that my pain puts a lot of added stress on my heart and therefore it’s just going to wear out faster. I do eat as well as I possibly can when I do feel hungry. I know my diet was a big factor in my performance and I stopped eating fast food and drinking soda at 19. I don’t usually eat much from restaurants unless it’s a special occasion. My mom has always been a health food advocate and she didn’t even allow us to have sugar until we were in our early teens unless we were at a birthday party we didn’t even realize what we were missing. My mom realized that it wasn’t going to be too beneficial to us if we didn’t have a little bit of sugar and we eventually got a microwave when she went back to working full time. She taught us to make things from scratch because of the ingredients in things. We avoided preservatives and ate only wheat bread and stuff that were super foods whole and health food in general. We didn’t even taste fast food until we were in our early teens and only because we were traveling and it just wasn’t easy for her to make sandwiches and stuff. But I’m so glad that I was shown that way before I was grown up and my mom is an amazing cook and she’ll make something gourmet and then she goes for flavor in addition to being a healthier way to make something but her real strength is making stuff from scratch and her recipes are extensive but she often makes stuff from memory and it’s amazing to me how it always tastes so similar even if she doesn’t think so. I believe that it was one of the best gifts that I could have ever gotten from my parents and my sister and I are going to have to find a way to keep her traditions going.
Arorin · M
@2cool4school i grew up on a farm and mostly ate pretty good but when i went to war the stuff they fed us was so bad. The best i could do would be grab either a chocolate bar, poptart or cliff bar. Ill throw up if i eat another cliff bar, but i do remember i got addicted to sweets.
2cool4school · 46-50, F
@Arorin it’s easy to find rewards in food that’s sweet but I feel like I don’t have to be as strict as possible I just have to put the best stuff in me most of the time and avoid the worst stuff (fast food artificial ingredients especially when it’s part of how they are flavored and sugary soda and candy as well as general snack foods being the most common and if I do eat something that has natural ingredients but maybe isn’t the most healthy (I’m thinking about BLT sandwiches and cheeseburgers are probably a good example of my own personal favorites) I at least know that I have consumed something that has natural and organic ingredients. I avoid certain things made by the big bad food corporations like Kraft or Frito-Lay and if I do eat potato chips it’s from a company that is focusing on using the best ingredients. I used to love candy and sweets and I feel like not getting them as a younger child made me overindulge as a teen but I’m just glad that by 19/20 I was aware that they were not going to help me get the most out of my body.
Arorin · M
I can still do my activity. I just can't compete at the top levels anymore. I won't ever go pro but i can still woop up on most! I been through a lot but i don't seem to ever get hurt. Ive fallen off hay bails 4 times my height when i was a kid. Ive been kicked by cows, hit by cars etc... never anything more worse than a bruise. Suppose it is just genetics. I have the body type that pits on muscle fast, but not exactly great with cardio.