A confession about myself... and Ash Wednesday post.
If you had me on a lie detector machine and asked "Are you straight?" And I replied "Yes" the machine would signal a lie. Wonder why my orientation isn't on my profile?
Same sex attraction has been a constant struggle since I became honest with myself years ago, a switch moment that made me realise I'm also attracted to men and the pulse hasn't stopped.
Yep. After reading my Reformation Study Bible, reading Spurgeon, Daily Readings The Puritans and praying for my cherished persecuted family with the Open Doors Prayer Diary and then eating my porridge while subconsciously nodding along to 'Real Talk With Jordan Riley' on YouTube my mind went straight to inappropriate thoughts about men.
Yes. I followed the usual advice- prayed, glorified God more, as for church and fellowship- you know I cherish them. But I would not delete those images, I pretended to half repent and just leave them in the Android recycle bin, inevitably recycling them for later.
Today I experienced further repentance... and these inappropriate thoughts.... they're dying.
How? God used Richard Sibbes. Richard Sibbes warmly and pastorally explains sin in a way you will NEVER hear anyone else explain it. Why? His ministry was dedicated to people like me- backsliders, etc. His book 'the bruised reed' is a must read for sin.
Will I fall? Sure. Will it reign over my life like it has done the past several years? By God's grace I will be on guard. Today all those images were deleted.
Allow me to share today's reading of 'Refreshment for the Soul: A Year of Daily Readings from the 'Heavenly Doctor' Richard Sibbes' that set something off:
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Being exactly how you were made is not evil. Struggling against your true nature and trying to suppress it is the original definition of the root word we now know as sin. You win every time you deny who you are, and shame yourself for being as you were made.
Or are you saying God didn't know what he was doing when he made you this way?
@LordShadowfire Jesus said if you want to follow me you must die to self deny yourself and follow me!! He never said follow your heart, he said that the heart is desperately wicked who could know it!! I think Jesus is on to something!!! I would rather deny myself and follow him than to do what is right in my own eyes and fall into sin and death....That's why following Jesus is the straight and narrow road and most people are on the broad road which leads to death! It's okay to tell yourself No from time to time...
@LordShadowfire I don't mind being insulted from time to time for my faith in Jesus Christ and following His truths rather than my own whims and desires... You do you! As for me I'm focused on Christ!
@saintsong Whatever. I won't let anyone convince me to be untrue to myself, and I'll continue pointing out when other people are being untrue to themselves. You can't be happy unless you are being your truest self, and no amount of smiling and lying will convince me otherwise.
