A Poem About The Inevitable [I Write Poety]Ruby's Mantra Inch by inch I will not flinch Pay my toll And bathe in bliss
Becoming Something BadThis holiday season has proved too much. Anger, rage, and jealousy building up inside. The boiling point is close, I can tell. My roommates, "friends" of mine, had 2 Christmas dinners not inviting me to either. All of our Toronto friends reaching... See More »
Another Holiday AloneTwo years in a row now with no one around or to even talk to for the holidays. Roommates having their own thing going on which I am not invited to. No family to zoom call. No friends to text with. No loved ones to sit down to a meal with. Just a... See More »
Ever Get the Feeling... [I Am Depressed]That you are undesirable? Sometimes it seems like no one in the world seems to want you. I need to start drinking again.
A Poem About Love and The End [I Write Poety]Dream Hearkened Endings It was a white room where we met. In the fog of dreams and war, we found solace in the empty void. Whispers of a long dead love resuscitated into a shouting chorus. Time refusing to move forward while words spilled between... See More »
It's almost ChristmasI'd like to skip Christmas and just go straight to getting uncontrollably drunk on NYE. Drink so much, I forget my name. Go out pick a few fights for no reason. Get ass kicked. Do it again till unable to get up. Go home in the morning.... See More »
Walking DeadA little over two years ago I was sitting in the edge of a 21 story high rise. Drunk off my ass waiting for a fall. A little over 8 months ago I took a full bottle of antidepressants with a bottle of booze expecting to sleep forever. When I was... See More »
Emotional BreakdownI think I'm having an emotional breakdown. Not sure. The signs are there....but if I'm aware of it, is it real? Or am I just trying to find a label for something more deep-rooted that requires a lot more psychological attention then I'm willing to... See More »
People SuckIt's fun sitting alone listening to people who you've spent the last year hosting D&D sessions with have a fun time doing other things without you cause you said you needed a break from D&D. No invitation to join. Just complete avoidance. Don't... See More »
Haunting HallsWhat if I've died and I don't know it yet? Bound to the two block square around the house. Cursed to live out the name nightmarish routines. A ghost. I have to do it. To remind myself I am much more than sadness and anger. To prove to myself that... See More »
I'm Just A Little Black Rain CloudI don't like when people are happy. People are easier to engage and understand when they are miserable.
Nowhere to BelongEver get that feeling that you just don't belong anywhere or with anyone? No matter how hard you try to make a presence or be involved you always just end up feeling more alone watching everyone else just get along so effortlessly. I think it's... See More »
Something Bad Is On The HorizonIt's happening again. That feeling of dread. Haven't slept in a few days. Panic attacks when I try. It's been a while since this has happened. Something bad is gonna happen. It always does.
The Absence of Virgil [I Write Poety]Cold wind whispers echo to a sky devoid of light and life. Finding only the ears of the usual Specter who wails as sirens outside windows of what was or could have been. Dreams acted out with stabbing emotion, as if penned by a master of pot and... See More »
It Never Gets BetterBirthday is tomorrow. No one around to celebrate with. Person I'm seeing is cheating on me and gaslighting me any time I mention it. Staying with them cause feeling wanted is nice even if it's fake. I don't understand why I'm still here. I... See More »
Drunk Bunny = Poor DecisionsGot drunk last night due to being in a very low place mentally. Blacked out at some point. Woke up to familiar stings. Don't know where but drunk Bunny found a pair of scissors. Sigh
Mascot KillerMy free-hand game is weak as all hell. Whatever. Here's me as a bunny mascot killer. (1)
Brownie BakingMade a post about brownies I made from scratch yesterday. Here's the pic. Chocolate orange. (1)
Baking SuccessBaked for the first time in 11 years. Decided to go for broke and make dark chocolate orange brownies from scratch. It was successful. Sweet and jam packed with calories but eh, tasted good. Too bad I ain't got anyone to share them with. Baking... See More »
Who Do You Trust?I don't trust anyone. Every smile flashed and honeyed word. No one is honest. Everyone is a betrayer. It's all just a game. Who do you trust?
Mixtapes/PlaylistsDo you still make mixtapes or playlists for people? Doing so has always been a fun thing. Picking a theme and then curating a musical journey for someone. Here's one for anyone who cares. It's a gushy love playlist:... See More »
Sudden EpisodeHaving an attack. Hands shaking while writing this. Need to place words down to center. Wave of sadness, anger, helplessness. It suddenly feels like I'm drowning. I am here. I am not falling. The ground is stable. This is temporary. I hope.
Do You Like The Darkness?I find I prefer to sit and do most things in absolute darkness. Shower, cook, eat, listen to music, etc... Pretty much most of my day is spent is as much darkness as I can get.
