God Considering Moving Dinosaurs To Separate Area Of Heaven

THE HEAVENS—Concerned that the prehistoric reptiles’ behavior had gotten out of hand, God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Friday that He was considering moving dinosaurs to a separate part of His Kingdom. “It was fine 200 million years ago when there were only a few of them here and there, but now there are dinosaurs everywhere you look, and they’ve developed a bad habit of grabbing angels by the wings and thrashing them to pieces to feed to their young,” said The Creator of All Things, adding that on most days you could hardly hear the bells of St. Peter over all the roaring and agonized pleas for mercy. “In truth, it’s not really fair to the dinosaurs either—they deserve their own unpopulated section of Heaven to freely roam around in. Otherwise, they’ll just keep trampling our gardens, terrifying the souls of the blessed, and leaving desiccated cherub carcasses lying around everywhere. And nobody wants that.” God went on to say that if He couldn’t find a place for dinosaurs in Heaven, He hadn’t ruled out the possibility of relocating them back to Earth.

https://www.theonion.com/god-considering-moving-dinosaurs-to-separate-area-of-he-1847722962