I Am Too Fat

I am too fat, but I can’t stop eating. I’ve struggled with my mental health and weight as long as I can remember. But the urge to hurt myself went away every time I ate. So I kept eating. And now, I don’t want to do anything rash or hurt myself, but food is my life now. I can’t seem to stop eating and gaining weight. I know I’m too fat and it’s only getting worse. I can’t fit a seatbelt around myself in some cars. I struggle to get up from furniture that is too low to the ground. I wear leggings and sweaters because the stretch with me and aren’t constructing like jeans. I can feel a waddle developing as I walk. I’m winded going up 15 stairs. I’m soon to be 23 and I weigh 427 pounds. I get embarrassed and frustrated when I try to exercise so I quit. And eating is the only thing that makes me feel better, so the cycle continues and I gain more even more weight. I’m proud that suicide and death no longer lingers at the edge of every thought I have. But now putting each bite of food in my mouth is my every thought. I’m too fat and I know what the solution is but there’s something that stops me from actually doing it and it’s frustrating as hell because I have no excuse for being the size I am and I should be able to fix it and I should have never let it get this far but here I am. Inching closer to 500, 600, 700 pounds and death and I’m not stopping.