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I feel like I am forcing myself to be straight???

I identify as a lesbian, and I am pretty confident in my sexuality remind you that I am a type of person who has to know everything if there's a question in my head I have to know the answer and I know we shouldn't put lable on ourself and let ourselfs explore things but what is happening to me is, I know I like girls and I don't like men in that way but for sometime ever since people have been telling me that it's okay to explore or it's just a phase, or it's fine it happens, I have this voice in my head mostly all the time looking at every single men older, , teenager, adult doesn't matter and I look at every single of them and ask myself do I like them and the answer is always no but I can't stop doing that because I can't answer myself how do I like women but not men because liking men should be normal and that's how everybody is, is there something wrong with me am I going to end up liking men because I'm forcing myself so much, what if I end up hating women with my overthinking but I love womens, as if I am afraid to like men or trying to stop myself from liking men but in fact I'm not but in my head I am, but with women it's easy I don't have to put effort to like them it comes naturally and during my teenage years( I'm still 19 btw), I've only had girlfriends never a boyfriend and yes I've kissed boys when I was like Very young but ever since I got self aware I knew I only feel attracted to women but after watching other girls so in love with boys, I don't understand how did I end up being a lesbian like how is it possible, is it gens, is it being too sporty or too much workout, I don't know I'm very confused it is practically killing my brain please help me, I'm sorry if I wasn't able to explain what I'm trying to say properly but I tried my best with how much I've figured out.... No offense to men out there I'm just very stressed at this point by all this mess in my head!!!! And I don't have any energy to date or be in a relationship with a men right now if you guys are you to say you should try being with a boy then see, even though I won't even think once if a girl ask me out though... Sorry
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@Lucky003 Just get a grip, take a few deep breaths (hold, let out slowly).

Then just ask yourself this:

Is your obsessing about your sexuality

• going change/affect it and who YOU are?

OR

• will it simply drive you crazy AND use your own time & energy against you?


If you are making yourself crazy, just laugh it off and try to destress each time you start doubting yourself.

Remember

You are ONLY 19; how can the entire book of YOU already be written?
Lucky003 · F
@SomeMichGuy yeahhhh thankyou so muchhh🥺
@Lucky003 Sorry, that's my quick try at encouragement, not knowing much about you.

Go forth and stress thou not!

You don't need to dissect your attraction towards women.
You're attracted to women and not men. That's the extent of it.

The more pressure you put on yourself to understand why, the more you risk pathologising yourself and thinking it's something you need to fix
Lucky003 · F
@HijabaDabbaDoo you did understood what I was trying to say😭
Lucky003 · F
@HijabaDabbaDoo okayyy got it, you don't realise how much it means to me🥺❤️
@Lucky003 Take your time. You're under no obligation to have it all figured out right away💙
Panda5689 · M
I wish to offer a couple perspectives on the subject. Yes am cis-male, straight yet bi-curious as well.
Back in the 70s a very popular book was published, the Joy of Sex. However I am pointing it out due to the author. Alex Comfort. He was actually a sex therapist and did have a terminal degree in the field. I read some of his other publications and one fact that struck me was his thoughts on bi-sexuality and trying to find a "why". Recall in the 70 and 80s most LBGTQI folks were far in the closet. However, his thoughts were, everyone is born bi-sexual and as one goes through childhood and eventual puberty most individuals will gravitate from bi to either towards homo or hetero sexuality. Yet some may not divert either direction and remain bi. At that time I felt that was quite a reasonable explanation. It likely may be a some genetics, environment, experience, etc. The fact is we are who we are.
Fast forward to the mid 80s, when I realised my best friend from grad school [she was a senior I was doing my masters] and I after few years were very attracted to each other and hence... ended up married. A year after we were married she began drinking more and more to the point after 2 years she admitted she needed help. She got it through AA / outpatient TX etc. I moved forward and began work on PhD and after a few months in the program the truth came out.. she realised for 29 years she was burying her true desire, and when she married her best friend she buried it deeper with alcohol .. she is gay. Hence we of course ended up divorced and still are best friends. It took many years for her to find herself, however she now understood why she always felt different since she was around 6. Always had crushes on girls but found that "silly" since she would think, thats so weird... I like boys, I am not gay... well of course that was the mind set in the 60s...

So, given your feelings, you are who you are. Please do not force yourself to be someone that intrinsicly is not you. Be yourself and surround yourself with supportive folk. Sadly our society in US [if you live here] is increasingly going backwards on many issues and I fear for all my friends who identify LBGTQI +
If you wish to chat about this more please message me, happy to listen, hear and validate your thoughts.
Take care and wish you well.

Cheers
Panda5689 · M
@Lucky003 Pleasure
ArtieKat · M
@Panda5689
Back in the 70s a very popular book was published, the Joy of Sex. However I am pointing it out due to the author. Alex Comfort. He was actually a sex therapist and did have a terminal degree in the field. I read some of his other publications and one fact that struck me was his thoughts on bi-sexuality and trying to find a "why".
I thought I had inherited my father's copy - if I remember correctly, they trained or worked together in their 20s
Lucky003 · F
@ArtieKat seriously though, woww😳
because liking men should be normal

There really is no such thing as 'normal'. Never has been. Everyone is totally different. Different likes, different sexuality, different self-identities and so forth.

Just because you gaze at men (now), doesn't mean your preferences have changed. It could simply be biology talking... (think attraction for reproduction purposes. Something we are all 'preprogrammed' for). But again, this 'gazing' does not mean your sexual preferences have or will change at all.
Lucky003 · F
@Threepio oh my god that makes so much sense 😯
Therealsteve · 31-35, M
@Threepio If there is no norm as a basis of comparison, how could doctors diagnose anything, how could the practice of medicine even exist?
Lucky003 · F
@Therealsteve right.... You're right 😳
billybob69 · 61-69
just be yourself , be lesbian, bi , straight, just enjoy what you like in the moment
Onasander · 41-45, M
When a man and a woman are ready for a heterosexual relationship, the men go on dating sites and put up pictures of them posing with dead fish, and women put pictures of themselves in life jackets standing on paddleboards. It is how we evolved as a species.

If you find yourself staring longingly at a paddleboard, know motherhood is just around the corner for you.



GambleOnFire · 18-21, F
Forget what is normal and like what you like, nothing else matters
Panamared · 70-79, M
Follow what you truly desire
Lucky003 · F
@Panamared got it❤️🌟
in10RjFox · M
The problem is in your eye as you think your orientation is on what you see. And it's obvious that you haven't had sex and assuming your orientation.

What you can try is to invite a guy and blindfold yourself and just let him handle you. You can then decide who you are.
Havesomefun2 · 56-60, M
Do what is best for you
Cantsayno · 56-60, M
You’re young. You’ll figure everything out. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

 
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