Anyone else?

I'm 27 and i am mentally and physically drained. For 14 years, i have been living my life being in a closet. I am soo scared of coming out, i would rather end my life, society is judgemental, family is strict and they will disown me and i will have no where to go. My life has been full of sadness and depression. I've self harmed, tried to commit suicide twice.

I can't afford to open up to anyone, due to my mental health issues.

I have never forgotten the first girl from school i fell in love with, 14 years later i still love her even though we havent spoken in 10 years, she was just a friend and it was her touch that made me fall in love with her. My love for her was the purest thing ever, i felt so many emotions and feelings, it was beautiful.

If it was easy for me, i would love to be with a girl, be in love with a girl who would love me for me. But i know its impossible and this is something that will kill me every day of my life

I live my life how my family, friends and society would want me to live, i need to live up to their expectations. I'm pretending to be someone else, instead of being myself.

What kind of life is this, being in a closet, being scared, being depressed, being suicidal, all this just for being a lesbian.

I have a great social life, but whats the point in it when you can't open up to anyone about who you truly are.

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

Canicu69 · 70-79, M

Life is too short not to enjoy it. I have a granddaughter who came out. Yes lots of people were upset. They thought it was the end of the world. Me I told her I would support her and not to worry about what others think. It’s your life YOU need to be happy. You must come out. Your parents will adjust. They love you as you love them. They are not going to kick you to the curb. They may express anger, but that changes into disappointment then acceptance. It takes a little time, you can quit self hurting yourself, you will feel so much better that you came out, your intentions being suicidal will subside. Then you will be happy. You deserve that. Think about it. You just think your parents will be a problem. Give them time to digest it. Distance yourself for awhile….the will come around. You have to do this. You need to start enjoying life. It is really all about YOU, your wants and needs. You can’t, and shouldn’t be living your life for others, they don’t live theirs for you !!!!

Tastyfrzz · 61-69, M

Sorry it's so rough. I can't imagine your pain. Not sure what's best for you. That's your decision to make. Either way it's going to be tough and you'll have regrets. ((Hugs)).

Persiangirlx · 26-30, F

@Tastyfrzz

Hugsss xxxx

HootyTheNightOwl

What's preventing you from coming out???

A lot of my problem was the attitude of my family, particularly my mother. Now that she is dead, I don't feel that I have to hide my true self to quite the same extent - though I'm not sure that they will ever fully accept that I am a non-binary bisexual.

View 1 more replies »

HootyTheNightOwl

@Persiangirlx One thing that I feel will really help me is a clean break - and that's something that might benefit you in the future, too.

I'm finding that we eventually reach a point in life where we start to see bullshit for what it is.

From what I've read of what you are saying, I think you are in the very early stages of this process.

You're still in the phase where you know and accept that you can't be what those around you expect you to be - and you care a lot about what they think and feel about you.

You will eventually reach the point where you just don't care anymore and start cutting the more toxic people from your life in the fullness of time.

Persiangirlx · 26-30, F

@HootyTheNightOwl

I just dont want to end up being in a situation where i get married one day, then finding a girl after soo many years then to cheat on the person i am married to.

Its such a huge gamble in life.
Deciding to come out and lose family
Deciding to put my feelings to a side, being the straight girl, being depressed even more.

I just wish everyone was accepting, supporting, kind towards people like us, we all have hearts, feelings, love for everyone. We don't hurt anybody.

We are all aloud to be loved and to give love to who our hearts desires.

HootyTheNightOwl

@Persiangirlx You may be able to come to an arrangement whereby you marry a gay man - that way, you've married for family honour... yet you both carry on with your separate lives behind closed doors.

Alternatively, you may find a man where you can explain your situation and he might be open to an open marriage so you are still able to have relationships with girls - though I'm not sure about the deal with some men and their desire to watch girls making love. Oddly enough, some men don't see cheating with a girl in such a dim light as they would if you cheat with another man for some reason.

In my case, I couldn't do it without his knowledge and permission either way. The guilt eats away at me.

It's too easy to hate what we don't understand, though... that's the problem - and it's not going to change until the world accepts that being anything other than straight isn't a crime (literally, in some parts of the world). Love shouldn't be a crime. Jeeze, people can marry trees, so what's wrong with loving who you love??? As long as they're old enough to consent and you're not hurting anyone, it shouldn't matter.

Add a comment...