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zonavar68 · 56-60, M
I must have been as some women did show some interest in my in my 20's, 30's and 40's. Now I'm in my 50's, I am has-been outcast single-dad shiftworker who's basically invisible to all single (or looking but not single) women when it comes to sex, intimacy, dating and relationships. Better off leaving that to the insta-famous people who can easily meet the 666-rule conditions.
I was never clued into attraction of women and never could (and still can't) pick up on attraction cues, choosing signals, etc. plus if I worked out a woman was trying to show interest I would switch to 'emergency exit' mode and make all efforts to remove myself from what to me is a very uncomfortable situation.
BTW I've never considered myself 'attractive' and never cared what other people really think about me since I know I'm not gifted with the ability to do romance, etc. properly. That's for others - not me.
I was never clued into attraction of women and never could (and still can't) pick up on attraction cues, choosing signals, etc. plus if I worked out a woman was trying to show interest I would switch to 'emergency exit' mode and make all efforts to remove myself from what to me is a very uncomfortable situation.
BTW I've never considered myself 'attractive' and never cared what other people really think about me since I know I'm not gifted with the ability to do romance, etc. properly. That's for others - not me.
zonavar68 · 56-60, M
@swirlie I wish I could say that I could understand that, but to me I'm blind to all understanding about forming relationships and love connections and I just don't think I'm wired/strucutured/conditioned to be able to do it in the way women want (full blown romance mixed with sex/intimacy leading potentially to lifetime commitment and possibly marriage).
zonavar68 · 56-60, M
@swirlie I can't think about it any other way as I don't know any other way to think about it. I've basically thrown in the towel re dating and relationships since it's clearly not something I can have so if I withdraw and 'hand in the keys' that increases the odds for all other men and women by a tiny (but measurible) margin.
zonavar68 · 56-60, M
@swirlie Nothing that I know of. My parents were abusive, used to fight a lot. My dad cheated on mum and they divorced when I was 12 in 1980. Neither of them gave me any help/advice about learning how to socialise and the things that come later (sexual attraction etc.) and my mum basically told me it was all bad and that I had to study and become some corporate high-flyer wonk to be 'acceptable'. Of course I'm the total opposite of a corporate high-flyer wonk as a shiftworking train driver for now about 38 years which is one of the most socially isolating jobs there is. I never really had friends, have always been a loner, never enjoyed being social, never had any interest in girls during school, and have always been the person 'hiding in plain sight' from the rest of society.
swirlie · F
@zonavar68
Okay, great self-synopsis you've made. The secret is, your parents could not actually teach you any of those things anyway, even if they didn't fight and were otherwise standing by your side showing you how to dance with a girl.
What you were wanting your parents to do but which they didn't, is an innate ability that you already have inside of yourself from birth, of which has no dependency whatsoever on parents for it to become activated in you.
What activates it is your desire to simply flip the switch to the 'on' position.
I know this because I've been practicing this 'switch-flipping' for my whole adult life, which means I position that switch to wherever it suits my desires in the moment.
Perhaps nobody has ever mentioned that to you before, but it's really a lot of fun sometimes just playing with that switch.
Okay, great self-synopsis you've made. The secret is, your parents could not actually teach you any of those things anyway, even if they didn't fight and were otherwise standing by your side showing you how to dance with a girl.
What you were wanting your parents to do but which they didn't, is an innate ability that you already have inside of yourself from birth, of which has no dependency whatsoever on parents for it to become activated in you.
What activates it is your desire to simply flip the switch to the 'on' position.
I know this because I've been practicing this 'switch-flipping' for my whole adult life, which means I position that switch to wherever it suits my desires in the moment.
Perhaps nobody has ever mentioned that to you before, but it's really a lot of fun sometimes just playing with that switch.