Reality is beyond repair

@EarthlingWise thank you 🖤 Yes I can, I do know that, it's just that I've given and done so much and all I feel is physical pain. It never made me lovable or even likable enough to build anything. I've just always been on the outside of every community, every relationship and even in doing my part, it never earned me even a friend. Now I'm in so much pain and even less able to do what people want to deserve two seconds of their time. It's a crazy feeling. I'm a caregiver, a healer, and people used me and dumped me. "Nobody cares" is the response to my pain after I was there for others. It's my truth. I walk the Earth trying to give and love and it's only made me obsolete. I think this is the breaking of me from human life. I am 42 and my parents died in their early 60's, I don't want to spend another day wishing for someone to care about me.

Yes I'm so thankful for my son and my dog. I know they love me and I never take that for granted. But they still need me. They've always needed me and I've always been there.

I am tired. I can't push through the physical pain like I used to. I don't even know if I'm making worse. Maybe I've been making it worse the whole time.

I just don't know anymore and I'm so so so tired.

Thank you for responding and talking to me. It's genuinely appreciated. Sending love and sunshine your way.

@EldritchFox I understand what you're saying, having a parental figure in one's life makes it much easier to go through hardships, even if they are not always around. I mean in these moments when no-one else seems to have your back. It helps you stand tall.

You've taken care of people that needed you as a tutor, a prop. I'm sure they appreciated your being there for them. Maybe some of them haven't been able to say it.

I'm no prophet or magician, but I hear you, I wanted you to know that you're not invisible, you're a very precious person.

@EarthlingWise thank you. You do hear me and that means more than you know 🖤 I never give up on the core things, just some stuff in life I wasn't meant for, makes it tiring.