Struggling

I hate going to the psychologist but I know I need to try. I am like 2 weeks sober now and still struggling. I feel like it’s the weight of my life that is killing me. I had to leave my job to recover and I’m terrified I won’t find another. I’m also stressed because I got a huge bill in from the ER for going the day I was drunk for detox meds. Had I not been drunk, there’s no way I would have gone. I’d rather die than pay those bills. But the stress of all this debt is crippling. My medical bills, my dogs medical bills, student loans, I am literally struggling to survive. And I knew life wouldn’t pause but I didn’t know how to keep functioning drunk everyday. And no I don’t qualify for any help, I tried. Even though I’m making nothing right now. Technically on a LOA until they decide to fire me.


And all I want right now is a drink. That’s it. It’s too hard and I can’t. I’m essentially in my own rehab and yes I’m thankful my wallet is locked away but god I want it. I want to escape this horrid life.