I Have An Alcoholic Father
My father is an interesting man. He's 3 months sober now and there is so many parts of him that I haven't seen in a long time. His alcoholism had consumed him since he was young and for the entirety of my life. But, I always knew there was this kind gentle man under that angry shell that once only drank beer and kool-aid.
I remember days where he was absolutely delusional and the world around him was built only to fuel his anger. He would scream at my siblings and I for things that neither one of us could control and for minuscule things that had never needed such volume he gave. I will never forget the daily sound of his feet stamping on the floor getting ready to belittle and antagonize his next prey.
I always envied my brother because he had the good years with my father before my sister and I were born. My father still drank, but he was more mild, motivated, and had some sense of purpose. My father actually taught my brother things! My father would spend his time with my brother, teaching him how to be a man and live a respectable life.
I never received that from either of my parents. They never had the patience for my sister and I. My brother soon lost that too.
But now, my father fixes my bike, teaches me about my car, and is ready to listen to me with anything I have to say. He no longer screams or belittles. Its such a mass change with in a few months. Even though he is so good mannered now, it still takes a lot of out of me to speak to him just because my heart can't trust him just yet.
I am so thankful. It is too late now for him to be the father I needed. He blacked out on those formidable years and us kids have raised ourselves.
I remember days where he was absolutely delusional and the world around him was built only to fuel his anger. He would scream at my siblings and I for things that neither one of us could control and for minuscule things that had never needed such volume he gave. I will never forget the daily sound of his feet stamping on the floor getting ready to belittle and antagonize his next prey.
I always envied my brother because he had the good years with my father before my sister and I were born. My father still drank, but he was more mild, motivated, and had some sense of purpose. My father actually taught my brother things! My father would spend his time with my brother, teaching him how to be a man and live a respectable life.
I never received that from either of my parents. They never had the patience for my sister and I. My brother soon lost that too.
But now, my father fixes my bike, teaches me about my car, and is ready to listen to me with anything I have to say. He no longer screams or belittles. Its such a mass change with in a few months. Even though he is so good mannered now, it still takes a lot of out of me to speak to him just because my heart can't trust him just yet.
I am so thankful. It is too late now for him to be the father I needed. He blacked out on those formidable years and us kids have raised ourselves.
26-30, F
