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ManuelShorey · MNew
Wow! Very informative.
You mention about shadow. I heard this phrase ‘shadow work’ when I was looking for information in Teal Swan’s healing guidance. But even though her advice looks appealing in her YouTube channel, her counselling programs are very costly. Are you aware of shadow work? I am really looking forward to heal my addiction problem, and I am struggling with it. Some psychologists say that it’s okay everyone are unique. Problem is that I am not able to focus on important things. Anyways, thank you for explaining in detail in this post.
You mention about shadow. I heard this phrase ‘shadow work’ when I was looking for information in Teal Swan’s healing guidance. But even though her advice looks appealing in her YouTube channel, her counselling programs are very costly. Are you aware of shadow work? I am really looking forward to heal my addiction problem, and I am struggling with it. Some psychologists say that it’s okay everyone are unique. Problem is that I am not able to focus on important things. Anyways, thank you for explaining in detail in this post.
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ManuelShorey · MNew
Thank you very much@LadyGrace
ManuelShorey · MNew
@LadyGrace I somehow am not able to reply to your message in the other thread, so replying here. I wanted to be authentic, and I will try my best. The reason I was not being authentic was mainly because I was ashamed of my addiction. It is not as simple like drinking or social media addiction. I had cultivated a lot of negative thoughts in my mind. And in my circle of friends whom I know no one has this kind of addiction. I was never comfortable sharing this with my family or close ones as well. I don’t know since when I had this. I am not like a normal man and my thoughts are very negative. The first time I could find a familiarity of by weird self is when the movie 50 shades of grey was released. I perform well in what I do sometimes but then the negative thoughts come and it becomes addictive and I struggle to get out of it. After a long struggle I come out of it and then I again go back into that loop. I fantasize myself to be a submissive man in relation to woman. Though I am not harming anyone, I am harming myself with these thoughts. I derive satisfaction with self humiliation and submissive fantasies. I never dared to open up with any psychologist because I was ashamed of myself. I took help online anonymously and I was adviced that everyone is unique and I am wired that way. So the best option for me is to find a dominant woman. Then in recent years I see all these pride movements and unconventional relationships getting evolved. But I hardly met anyone similar to me. Sometimes I get confused. And so far, I have realised that no woman likes a submissive man. But I am not sure whether these submissive desires are my authentic self or are they mere fantasies. One thing is sure, at my current mental state I cannot have any normal relationship with any woman because I cannot do justice in my relationship. Either I have to act as normal or I have to assume that my fantasies define my real me. But if I listen to the videos you shared, I feel like my submissive desires are just a guiding message to look into the aspect of me that I ignored. I am not really able to understand the root cause. Do you also feel I need to consult a psychologist? But in online forums, majority of them ask me to live my desires as if I am unique. These advices got much more prominence since the advent of unconventional relationships. Personally, I believe in conventional relationships and that anything otherwise is going against nature. But I am not able to be a conventional man. Anyways, your message and advice inspired me to be authentic and that gave me some courage to reveal the aspects of my life that I don’t like. I know that after sharing this people especially women will distance themselves from me. And some may troll me. But I wanted to be authentic as you have really tried to help me composing such long inspirational messages. Also, I want to let you know that I am a 40 year old man( I was trying to be anonymous in this forum. Sorry about that but I didn’t have the courage. But somehow I felt I need to be honest with those who help me) who had relationship failure. And everyone feels like I am a nice guy. And in fact I put lot of efforts to project myself to be a nice guy but you know how much my thoughts are contaminated. No one knows this aspect about me and this is the first time I am sharing this. Thank you for listening me.
@ManuelShorey I don't understand why you weren't able to answer me and the other thread because I haven't blocked you or anything. Nothing. That's weird. I think if you keep watching the videos, you'll come out of this. But the last thing you need is a dominant woman because that's not balanced either. Just be truthful with yourself like you're being now and authentic and keep watching different videos by Carl Jung and I believe you will definitely find your way. I'm not a psychologist so I can't help much but I can guide you in the right direction. And I believe his name is Alan Watts, also has videos that can help you because they discuss different personalities and why they do what they do and the best part is they don't cost anything. These are the best psychologists in the world. There's nothing wrong with you. Something has just caused you to become in balance in relationships and that can be fixed. I'm proud of you for watching the videos. Keep doing so and they will help you untangle the mixed thoughts and negative thoughts.
FreestyleArt · 36-40, M
I've been like this in my younger years. I was always nice person and welcoming, without realizing I had backstabbers. almost ruin my life.
but I've been improving to learn how to say no.
even though I've been strict now, don't like the feeling because I don't know how they will feel, concern I have no control of the atmosphere. I just wanted peace gathering, I'm always weary how it will play out since it's always about this world of nature that can go either way. I also thank God how I see this world these days reflecting it.
thank you for sharing this sis.
but I've been improving to learn how to say no.
even though I've been strict now, don't like the feeling because I don't know how they will feel, concern I have no control of the atmosphere. I just wanted peace gathering, I'm always weary how it will play out since it's always about this world of nature that can go either way. I also thank God how I see this world these days reflecting it.
thank you for sharing this sis.
FreestyleArt · 36-40, M
@LadyGrace later, not in a good time right now. It's too much for me at the moment. I am sorry. Not in a good mood.
@FreestyleArt I understand. I really do. Just whenever you're ready. I hope you feel better soon. We can't have all sunny days and today has not been a very sunny day for me either haha but I'm trying to make the best of it and trying to focus on other things. Please feel better soon. I love you
@ManuelShorey Jung viewed the desire for a dominant partner as an "unconscious projection" (1.1.2) of one's own inner, undeveloped strength or authority (1.5.7), encouraging the person to "integrate the shadow" (1.1.5) and reclaim their own power.
Carl Jung said life begins at 40 because he saw the first half of life as preparation (building identity, career, external life), while the second half, starting around midlife, is when true psychological work begins with introspection, integrating the "shadow," and seeking inner meaning and wholeness, moving from proving oneself to living authentically.
It's a shift from outward pursuits to inward discovery, a time for individuation and living from the "inside out".
The First Half (Pre-40): The "Research" Phase
External Focus: Building an identity, career, relationships, and social status.
Data Gathering: Learning the rules of the world, gaining experiences, and establishing stability.
Necessary Preparation: This phase is crucial for establishing the external structure of life, but it's not the full psychological life, according to Jung.
The Second Half (Post-40): The Real Beginning
Psychological Shift: A natural turn inward, away from external achievements and towards inner fulfillment.
Individuation: The process of integrating hidden or repressed parts of the self (the "shadow") for psychological balance.
Authenticity: Moving from fulfilling expectations to living a life that reflects your true self.
New Tasks: Re-evaluating values, finding deeper meaning, and seeking wisdom rather than just experience.
Why the "Beginning"?
It's not that the first 40 years were wasted, but that they were necessary groundwork.
Around 40, individuals often have the maturity and stability to finally focus on deeper, more authentic living, rather than just "doing research" on life.
Feelings of restlessness at this age signal a healthy transition to a more profound phase of self-discovery, not decline.
Carl Jung said life begins at 40 because he saw the first half of life as preparation (building identity, career, external life), while the second half, starting around midlife, is when true psychological work begins with introspection, integrating the "shadow," and seeking inner meaning and wholeness, moving from proving oneself to living authentically.
It's a shift from outward pursuits to inward discovery, a time for individuation and living from the "inside out".
The First Half (Pre-40): The "Research" Phase
External Focus: Building an identity, career, relationships, and social status.
Data Gathering: Learning the rules of the world, gaining experiences, and establishing stability.
Necessary Preparation: This phase is crucial for establishing the external structure of life, but it's not the full psychological life, according to Jung.
The Second Half (Post-40): The Real Beginning
Psychological Shift: A natural turn inward, away from external achievements and towards inner fulfillment.
Individuation: The process of integrating hidden or repressed parts of the self (the "shadow") for psychological balance.
Authenticity: Moving from fulfilling expectations to living a life that reflects your true self.
New Tasks: Re-evaluating values, finding deeper meaning, and seeking wisdom rather than just experience.
Why the "Beginning"?
It's not that the first 40 years were wasted, but that they were necessary groundwork.
Around 40, individuals often have the maturity and stability to finally focus on deeper, more authentic living, rather than just "doing research" on life.
Feelings of restlessness at this age signal a healthy transition to a more profound phase of self-discovery, not decline.
ManuelShorey · MNew
@LadyGrace I am glad that you did better today. I wish coming days would be even better for you. I had a mixed day. While I was a bit worried and feeling somewhat empty just trying to push away my thoughts, I watched one of the later videos that you posted and felt like there is hope if I try. Then I had to prepare for my lectures tomorrow and I was busy with that.
@ManuelShorey That is good. Keep watching the videos and grow from them. They will help you be stronger.
DanielsASJ · 36-40, M
Now I know how to identify shadow but lots of works still remain unresolved. I am trying hard not to be over - pleasing to others. Somehow unable to differentiate between being courteous and being over - pleasing.
But with God's help and my self awareness, I think I will become a better version of mine.
But with God's help and my self awareness, I think I will become a better version of mine.
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DanielsASJ · 36-40, M