How do you let go of loving an addict?
How do you finally cut it off and let yourself heal?
This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »
Graylight · 51-55, F
By understanding and trusting that the disease of addiction is more than happy to take as many down as possible. You can't help an addict. I wish that weren't true. We are a unique bunch, and we're on a trajectory few others can see or understand. If you give us an inch, we'll take the road. If you give us $10 dollars, we'll ransack your home. If we open our mouths in active addiction, you can be sure anything coming out of it is a lie. It's not that we intend to hurt you, it's that we can't even be truthful with ourselves and who we truly are. Our brains have been robbed of critical decision-making functions.
The addict in your life will walk down one of three roads. Madness, institutions, or death. Or he/she will figure out that this road is never going to lead anywhere good and find sobriety. The point here is that you can't show it to them. They can't see the illuminated path until they removes their own blinders. They need to find their motivation for change and they need most of all not to be enabled. If you keep us alive, we'll only languish more slowly.
Save yourself. Sometimes you're faced with terrible choices. You want to save a drowning man by lifting up onto your life raft, but you know as soon as he gets aboard, he's going to try to slit your throat. This is addiction. Refuse it another victim. Should your loved one find sobriety, you'll be waiting on the other side. Or you'll move on, but you will have saved yourself. Good luck.
You might want to look into Al-anon, but I caution that it's easy to fall into a group characterized by bitterness and complaining. Look for healthy solutions. You might sit in on a couple NA or AA meetings, too. Many of them are open to anyone and it can really lend insight and words to the struggle your loved one might not be able to vocalize. There's help out there. Avail yourself of it and be gentle with yourself.
The addict in your life will walk down one of three roads. Madness, institutions, or death. Or he/she will figure out that this road is never going to lead anywhere good and find sobriety. The point here is that you can't show it to them. They can't see the illuminated path until they removes their own blinders. They need to find their motivation for change and they need most of all not to be enabled. If you keep us alive, we'll only languish more slowly.
Save yourself. Sometimes you're faced with terrible choices. You want to save a drowning man by lifting up onto your life raft, but you know as soon as he gets aboard, he's going to try to slit your throat. This is addiction. Refuse it another victim. Should your loved one find sobriety, you'll be waiting on the other side. Or you'll move on, but you will have saved yourself. Good luck.
You might want to look into Al-anon, but I caution that it's easy to fall into a group characterized by bitterness and complaining. Look for healthy solutions. You might sit in on a couple NA or AA meetings, too. Many of them are open to anyone and it can really lend insight and words to the struggle your loved one might not be able to vocalize. There's help out there. Avail yourself of it and be gentle with yourself.