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Aidan I definitely can relate.
Being in a work environment has definitely helped me. I've really been trying to focus on going for the things I really want to go for and stop worrying so much about being cringe or what other people think. I'm just trying to have as many experiences as possible... and trust me, in my case they are remedial social experiences but still that's something and for better or worse it's where I am right now.
I'm just realizing how quick time is going by. I mean I graduated high school like 8 years ago and in some ways that doesn't feel like a long time ago, but I still don't really know what I am doing, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing but I'm trying not to be so afraid of taking on new challenges. I'm trying to devote my time and energy into things I prioritize instead of going for things that I think others expect of me. And, it makes me think for all those years, why wasn't I bold enough? And, in the back of my mind I do have some feelings of regret; what if I started with this new attitude sooner? Why have I been so scared of what other people think and their perceptions? If people want to think of me as a freak, who cares? I have the responsibility for my own life.
The thing is, I do still hide in public... as though I am behind a mirror just observing everyone and everything intently. It's not that I have suddenly gone full scale social butterfly. I often don't know what to say. I struggle with initiating conversations. I do still sometimes get exhausted if I am around people for too long a time. I'm finding it's mostly a matter of colliding with situations instead of side-stepping them. Shy people like us have no other choice. Don't give up. Keep me posted, Aidan.
