Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

I Don't Cancel People

Do you remember in 2019 when Ellen DeGeneres sat next to Former President Bush at a football game? Some people got sooo crabby about it.

That story became a catalyst for me to decide my own principles about how I relate to people I have strong differences with. After much contemplation, I decided that I'm fine with it. In fact I prefer to cultivate it.

And actually, given some of what we've learned about Ellen since then, I think I might have some personal issues with her myself. But it wouldn't be enough for me to cancel her. That's not my style.

I cast a wide net of friendship. With very few exceptions, if you are willing to be friends with me, I am willing to be friends with you. If your friendship with me is contingent on me NOT being friends with someone else, well, then you've just made the choice for me. I guess you won't be friends with me then. I won't turn my back on either of you. But likewise, neither of you get to control me.

But what happens if someone I call a friend really does become a villain? Do I cultivate friendships with evil people?

Well, first of all, when in doubt, I err on the side of maintaining friendships, even with "bad" people. But at some point, yes, I may decide to cut ties. I'm not going to be friends with someone who is unrepentantly abusive. But if things are that bad, it's going to warrant me having a discussion with them before I break off the relationship. After all, if I'm going to cut them off, the least I can do is let you know why before I do.

I can only recall a single time in my life when I've had to cut someone off. And I can think of a second time when I almost did. But we ended up not seeing each other again, so it became a moot point. And perhaps there are a small handful of other situations I'm not remembering. But my point is, it's rare.

This is my chosen principle.

I don't expect that everyone should hold my principle. You do you. If you choose to be quick to take offense, so be it. Don't come whining to me about how no one likes you. The principles we choose to live by produce results. I live with my results, you live with yours.

In my experience, the people who are quickest to whine about so-called "cancel culture" are also the quickest to hit the block button on SW.

[b]Which is it? Are you against cancel culture or not? If so, then walk the walk and don't just talk the talk.[/b]

Here's what Ellen said:

[quote]I’m friends with George Bush. In fact, I’m friends with a lot of people who don’t share the same beliefs that I have. We’re all different and I think that we’ve forgotten that we’re all different. For instance, I wish people wouldn’t wear fur. I don’t like it, but I’m friends with people who wear fur and I’m friends with people who are furry, as a matter of fact...

But just because I don’t agree with someone on everything doesn’t mean I’m not gonna be friends with them... When I say be kind to one another, I don’t mean only the people that think the same way you do. I mean be kind to everyone. It doesn’t matter.[/quote]

Well said, Ellen.
4meAndyou · F
I am not "cancelling" people when I block them, and I block hundreds of them. I am blocking their abusive language, and the horrible things they say. If you've lived through any sort of abuse, including verbal abuse you know you are free when you don't have to take it anymore.
My commitment level to my political outlook is all consuming to such an extent that I outright refuse to be friends with republican voters or elected officials.

You might find value in it that's all good you do you but for me my values mean so much to me that I will not cultivate friendships with those who are at extreme odds with them and its because of that that in order to maximize the impact I might have as a person I strategically shun republicans as a form of pressure.

perhaps it doesn't work and they feel the same but I encourage others to do likewise. I very much so endorse the sex strike as a tactic: Stop fucking republican men in other words.

the goal is to grind the enemy down into submission.


ShadowSister · 46-50, F
@BetweenKittensandRiots I completely get that. And you're not wrong. My best friend works for the DNC, and they feel similar to you.

For my own feelings personally, how will we change anyone's minds if someone isn't staying in dialog across the aisle? On the other hand, I have YouTube videos that come up in my feed that talk about how the "When they go low, we go high" philosophy has ended up hurting us. So I get why you're saying what you're saying. Mostly I just wanted to defend for myself why that is not me though.

I've never heard this song before. Thanks for posting it! She is amazing!
Scribbles · 31-35, F
It's a nice ideal. Even bad people need friends.

I'm like most people in which I try to be patient and kind...but sometimes yeah, I hit my wit's end and then I walk away or burn bridges because sometimes a behavior is entirely intolerable because they are hurting someone. I find it difficult to have patience and kindness then.
ShadowSister · 46-50, F
@Scribbles I think you just described the healthier relationship I was referring to. 🌞
This message was deleted by its author.
This message was deleted by its author.
carpediem · 61-69, M
Nice post. Thanks
laotzu92 · 61-69, M
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
kodiac · 22-25, M
@SW-User I thought i was the only one that can't say those words. 😞
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
Have no use for cancel culture in that sense .. but will cut off a shady mfr from my life when they've proved they deserve it
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
I block Narsssicist and abusers who have shown no indication that they are going to stop.

However, your apporach is a mature one .
uncalled4 · 56-60, M
I like this post a lot. Simply, I pick my friends by the content of their character rather than who they vote for. Do I have political beliefs? Sure, but I won't reject someone who falls outside of them. Some people just [i]cannot[/i] handle that. If you place politics above friendship, then we disagree not only politically but personally, and hence, no dialogue between us. It's all about what one values.

Some people define themselves by their politics, which, to me, is as yucky as people who define themselves solely by their religion or their looks or their bank account...people have, potentially, so much more to offer. At least I hope so; to me, there's nothing more boring than being a human talking point.
Roadsterrider · 56-60, M
I am not an Ellen fan, but she has something good in her way of treating people. The differences in all of us help accommodate everyone. Discussion of a problem is the only way to solve differences. Cancel culture shuts down the dialogue and ends progress.
Gangstress · 41-45, F
Good post. And food for thought. We are different but it doesnt mean we cant meet in the middle
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
carpediem · 61-69, M
@SilkenMist wow, you're the exact opposite of the good example this post portrayed. So sorry you're so bitter and unhappy. It must be an awful existence
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
ShadowSister · 46-50, F
@LordShadowfire Hmm. Interesting. Do you have an example in mind? I was going to agree... but then I realized, I don't really want to watch something with, say, Kevin Spacey or Bill Cosby. Consuming media is different for me.

Post Comment
7,813 people following
I Accept People As They Are
Personal Stories, Advice, and Support
New Post
Associated Groups Forum Members