I Have a Phobia

This is a fairly odd phobia, so I understand if you think less of me after reading this.

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Paruresis: it’s a phobia of urinating in public places. I suffer from social anxiety caused by this phobia really badly. Put simply, it stops me from being able to use toilets anywhere other than my own home, with a few exceptions (such as my friends’ homes or hotel toilets). If I’m out at a shopping centre or in school/college, I have to hold until I’m at home again. If I try to go while I’m out in public, my bladder locks itself up and I physically cannot do anything. It’s a scary thing because I never really know if it’s going to unlock again. I have to sit there, getting more and more desperate as the day goes on. I have no say in when it gives in: my bladder simply gives in when it reaches its full capacity. Once this happens, I can only hold myself back for several minutes before I’m releasing myself everywhere. Thus far, I’ve never lost myself in front of other people, I’ve always stayed close to a bathroom.

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Thanks for reading. I know it’s really odd, so if you still have any questions, I’ll try my best to answer them below for you.