Sometimes I really have to fight back the urge to break down into tears, and especially when I am at work. Many times I'll just be working and suddenly become completely consumed by grief and sorrow. It's becoming increasingly more difficult to hide my tears. I wish things weren't this way. I wish that things would improve, but the years of struggle are wearing me down and I don't know how much longer I can go on. My best days are when I feel nothing at all, but those are few in number. I think it's a sad state of affairs to strive for apathy because it's better than the alternative.