I Hate My Life
Every step of the way, I try to make plans. Every time a problem is solved, another problem pops up...like some unknown force ruins everything. I'm thinking now that life is a never ending tragedy.
Right now, everything is happening all at once. Problems with my job, money, family, my future, things I am forced to do that I have no control of, etc. Nobody understands me or how I feel. Words alone can't express how much hatred I have for this world. I feel so alone everyday that I feel that the world should just die and disappear.
My suicidal thoughts are coming back again. I won't act on it but it's bothering me every time I am put under stress. My body can't lie either no matter how much I try to calm myself down. Everyday I'm feeling more alone in every decision I make. And everyday that I feel alone, the suicidal thoughts are more prevalent.
I should talk to someone? I have no one. I live with my family but we treat each other like room mates...there is no such thing as boundaries. Talking, bonding, and obeying their dumb advice makes me even more miserable and have gotten me in a lot more trouble in life. I'm no longer a child but I'm treated that way. Nobody knows how to communicate or to listen. I've made plans to get out of this hell so many times but every time they're always foiled. I am powerless with anything.
How long until I'm going to be stuck here? How do I escape this? Why is the world like this? Why is the world so cruel?
Right now, everything is happening all at once. Problems with my job, money, family, my future, things I am forced to do that I have no control of, etc. Nobody understands me or how I feel. Words alone can't express how much hatred I have for this world. I feel so alone everyday that I feel that the world should just die and disappear.
My suicidal thoughts are coming back again. I won't act on it but it's bothering me every time I am put under stress. My body can't lie either no matter how much I try to calm myself down. Everyday I'm feeling more alone in every decision I make. And everyday that I feel alone, the suicidal thoughts are more prevalent.
I should talk to someone? I have no one. I live with my family but we treat each other like room mates...there is no such thing as boundaries. Talking, bonding, and obeying their dumb advice makes me even more miserable and have gotten me in a lot more trouble in life. I'm no longer a child but I'm treated that way. Nobody knows how to communicate or to listen. I've made plans to get out of this hell so many times but every time they're always foiled. I am powerless with anything.
How long until I'm going to be stuck here? How do I escape this? Why is the world like this? Why is the world so cruel?
36-40, F
