You've been married a long time, I assume. And likely ignored your own needs for an extended period of time as well. Of course you are probably thinking that divorce would be the best option. You know - start over again, start fresh, etc. So I'd like to point out a few things to you: First off, are you aware that 75% of 2nd marriages fail? (and about 80% of 3rd marriages) You tend to meet people with a LOT of emotional baggage, as after all, the older we are the more of that we tend to accumulate. You don't mention kids, but it hits them hard - especially if they're younger. Its hard for me to say this, but I believe that my own daughter would still be alive today if I had not divorced. (she passed away at age 28, in 2012). It's ALWAYS hard with a new spouse relating to your kids. And they almost ALWAYS (except in clear abuse cases) hope that mom & dad will get back together again. How do I know that? Because when the kids get married, they usually want a photo of their original, mom and dad.

Can you have an HONEST conversation with your husband? My guess is that he is probably 100% unaware of what you're feeling, and you think he will remain that way. Sometimes a conversation like the one you need to have can do a great deal to shake a man out of his comfortable lethargy regarding the marriage. Please try to exercise all options regarding SAVING the marriage before you bail on it. The grass is not usually greener on the other side (the divorce rate proves that). You've given the marriage a lot of years. You never know what unforeseen consequences may occur if you bail - especially without even giving your husband a real chance.

No, I prefer you not do that - just "accept your lot in life". PLEASE - get some counseling! And here is a major clue for finding someone good: If their schedule is WIDE OPEN - can see you ANY time - that is a BAD sign. The good ones are very busy, and you will have to wait a while to get in.

I think the problem truly is that you have been submissive for far too long, and thus you know very little about being ASSERTIVE - that is, calmly voicing your needs. Of course your husband is defensive - but perhaps to get his attention, you might consider taking a trip, by yourself - or go and visit someone reasonably far away. The longer you are gone, he will begin realizing what life WOULD be like if you were not there. I suspect it would get quite difficult for him. Bottom line, you need to get his attention - and that is one way of doing it. Because if you continue to ignore your own needs like this - one day it'll suddenly erupt in you, and you might find yourself doing someone quite unexpectedly, perhaps an affair. You see suppressing your feelings only causes them to grow. It's sort of like burying a worm. It just crawls around, and pops up somewhere else, and stronger. You MUST FIND A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY TO DEAL WITH THIS. Yes, it will be painful. I have a suggestion for you that will help you to face the fear & uncertainty regarding this crisis: Read the book, "Feel the Fear, and Do it Anyway", by Susan Jeffers. That book has been a MAJOR life changer for me.

You see, I only left my marriage after I KNEW it would be hopeless. She refused counseling. WE had a next to non-existent sex life, and for MOST of my marriage my greatest fantasy - by far - was wondering what it would be like to make love with someone who WANTED to really be with me! Only when I gave it all that I had - only then was I able to walk away with a clear conscience.

Your husband is quite used to the submissive you, and has been trained in this for some 26 years now. So it's not going to be easy, but the bottom line is that you are dying inside. And if he cares at all, he wouldn't want that to happen with a woman he is supposed to love. It took a long time to get where you are, and it will take a while to change it (not nearly as long, fortunately). So do some reading, and LEARN HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Because by NOT doing so, you are serving as a (destructive) role model to any daughters you may have, as they will quite subconsciously emulate your behavior...
God bless, - will pray for you..

Thank you tjw474. You are absolutely right. I do know that another marriage is not in my future. I don't want to throw 26 years away. I do care for him. I have talked to him but unfortunately he becomes defensive and becomes accusing. He is not a bad man. He only becomes defensive because this is the first time in 26 years I have voiced discontent. I am actually a very quiet and submissive person. I will gonly to great links to keep the peace. It is my character flaw. In all honesty I will probably just accept my lot in life.

Thank you I will read the suggested books. You make a lot of valid points. I won't have an affair as it is not in my nature. I am loyal. I could never live with such guilt.

Somethings I know will never get from him. the acceptance of this fact is my only choice. I am working through it. Thank you for your advice. I definitely will proceed carefully. You are a good friend.

Tjw747 thank you for the advice. The fact is I simply need to decide what is important to me. Unfortunately, I worry so much about being dependable and honorable, I am usually existing and not happy.

Right. There comes a point in life where one needs to be decisive.
Probably you have reached that point. So be very clear in deciding what you need and things will fall in place.

How long have you been married? Suggest you look at the website, "loveadvice dot com"...lots of great advice there, including for your situation

Try dating on the side, it actually isnt all that bad have ur cake & eat it too

:(..