I Think Failed Relationships Change People
I have an incredibly forgetful mind. So I decided to list a few things I learned from my last relationship, so that I don't forget about them in the future.
1. Don't rely on anyone to give you self-worth, but you.
Many people sit around waiting for 'the right one', when they don't realize that the only person in the world that is your true soul-mate, the one person that will never leave your side until your dying day... is you. It's important to continue to build on that relationship with yourself, and create that love and value for yourself on the inside. It will inevitably begin to pour into your everyday life and become present in your outside relationships/interactions as well. If you can't love and respect yourself, why/how would you expect anyone else to?
2. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
If you've been dating for about three months and you're starting to realize that the 'mystery' you once loved in your partner now seems more like he/she is just an avoidant person, or that the stories they tell you have become less interesting and seem more self-gratifying, basically, when all of the little things you thought you loved about the person, are actually what annoy you most now... don't wait it out. It's a sign that you're past the infatuation stage, and you're now able to see that although you both worked pretty well at first, you two don't click long-term. Ask yourself what's keeping you from moving onto something better? Why are you continually trying to glue together pieces of a puzzle that don't fit?
3. Don't allow anyone to tear you down.
I think Kanye said it best when he said, 'Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be younger. But they will never be you.'
Can your partner be happy with what you bring to the table? If not, it's time to start singing my girl Beyonce's hit, 'To the left, to the left.'
It's important to be comfortable with yourself, with your strengths and your flaws, and to know that is what makes you who you are. Different things work for different people. What some people see as defect, you may see as the shining core of your personality. One flaw/core about me is that I'm sarcastic. I love my sense of humor. If you're in a relationship with someone that puts you down ba<x>sed on something you love about yourself, that probably isn't the relationship to be in.
Never allow someone to tear you down ba<x>sed on their own insecurities, and never change for someone to meet their 'standards/requirements'. In the end, a healthy relationship can only be established when both people are supported to be themselves.
4. There is never an excuse for violence.
Upon the first shove, slap, or whatever it is... there is no excuse. There is nothing you could have said, or done, to have merited someone physically abusing you. Sometimes it's hard for us to see while in the situation, so I'll give an analogy that takes us, and humans out of it altogether.
If a dog pees on your new and expensive rug (whether knowingly or accidentally), is it okay to choke the dog?
We have to take the same logic that we can apply to someone or something else and apply it to our own situations. Sometimes it's easier for us to blame ourselves for things, than to look at the overall fact that solving conflict with violence is never okay.
5. Continue to feed your soul.
As stated as my first lesson, don't wait for someone else to 'complete you' or bring you happiness. Even when you're in a healthy and happy relationship, there will always be some things that you enjoy doing that your partner doesn't. My advice to you is... CONTINUE TO DO THEM!
Just because your partner isn't into outdoorsy activities, doesn't mean that you have to stop doing it. Your partner doesn't want to travel? Alright, then prepare to work out your schedules for skype calls while you're abroad. You may be thinking 'Oh no, I have to compromise with my partner and give up what I like to do so we can stay together.'... wait a second, repeat that to yourself. How does that sound like a relationship that anyone would want to be in?
I can't speak for everyone, but to me, a healthy relationship is when both partners continue to grow together and encourage the other's dreams and development. If someone is trying to stifle that due to their own insecurities, it does not become your responsibility to appease them.
Remember to live your life and do what makes you happy. If you don't, and only live for your partner, in the end you may be successful at keeping the relationship, but you may also become resentful and possibly feel unfulfilled in your own life.
1. Don't rely on anyone to give you self-worth, but you.
Many people sit around waiting for 'the right one', when they don't realize that the only person in the world that is your true soul-mate, the one person that will never leave your side until your dying day... is you. It's important to continue to build on that relationship with yourself, and create that love and value for yourself on the inside. It will inevitably begin to pour into your everyday life and become present in your outside relationships/interactions as well. If you can't love and respect yourself, why/how would you expect anyone else to?
2. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
If you've been dating for about three months and you're starting to realize that the 'mystery' you once loved in your partner now seems more like he/she is just an avoidant person, or that the stories they tell you have become less interesting and seem more self-gratifying, basically, when all of the little things you thought you loved about the person, are actually what annoy you most now... don't wait it out. It's a sign that you're past the infatuation stage, and you're now able to see that although you both worked pretty well at first, you two don't click long-term. Ask yourself what's keeping you from moving onto something better? Why are you continually trying to glue together pieces of a puzzle that don't fit?
3. Don't allow anyone to tear you down.
I think Kanye said it best when he said, 'Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be younger. But they will never be you.'
Can your partner be happy with what you bring to the table? If not, it's time to start singing my girl Beyonce's hit, 'To the left, to the left.'
It's important to be comfortable with yourself, with your strengths and your flaws, and to know that is what makes you who you are. Different things work for different people. What some people see as defect, you may see as the shining core of your personality. One flaw/core about me is that I'm sarcastic. I love my sense of humor. If you're in a relationship with someone that puts you down ba<x>sed on something you love about yourself, that probably isn't the relationship to be in.
Never allow someone to tear you down ba<x>sed on their own insecurities, and never change for someone to meet their 'standards/requirements'. In the end, a healthy relationship can only be established when both people are supported to be themselves.
4. There is never an excuse for violence.
Upon the first shove, slap, or whatever it is... there is no excuse. There is nothing you could have said, or done, to have merited someone physically abusing you. Sometimes it's hard for us to see while in the situation, so I'll give an analogy that takes us, and humans out of it altogether.
If a dog pees on your new and expensive rug (whether knowingly or accidentally), is it okay to choke the dog?
We have to take the same logic that we can apply to someone or something else and apply it to our own situations. Sometimes it's easier for us to blame ourselves for things, than to look at the overall fact that solving conflict with violence is never okay.
5. Continue to feed your soul.
As stated as my first lesson, don't wait for someone else to 'complete you' or bring you happiness. Even when you're in a healthy and happy relationship, there will always be some things that you enjoy doing that your partner doesn't. My advice to you is... CONTINUE TO DO THEM!
Just because your partner isn't into outdoorsy activities, doesn't mean that you have to stop doing it. Your partner doesn't want to travel? Alright, then prepare to work out your schedules for skype calls while you're abroad. You may be thinking 'Oh no, I have to compromise with my partner and give up what I like to do so we can stay together.'... wait a second, repeat that to yourself. How does that sound like a relationship that anyone would want to be in?
I can't speak for everyone, but to me, a healthy relationship is when both partners continue to grow together and encourage the other's dreams and development. If someone is trying to stifle that due to their own insecurities, it does not become your responsibility to appease them.
Remember to live your life and do what makes you happy. If you don't, and only live for your partner, in the end you may be successful at keeping the relationship, but you may also become resentful and possibly feel unfulfilled in your own life.
31-35, F
