I Think Failed Relationships Change People
After my last relationship, I learned that I needed to love myself more. I was going into relationships, believing that finding that other person would complete me somehow. Even society endorses this idea with terms like "your other half" or "the better part of you". To further complicate my idea of what a relationship should look like, I was raised to believe that I should be subservient to my partner. There was no coaching of exploration of one's self, or independence. I truly believed that I needed to be with someone to be complete.
Since then, I've learned that isn't the case at all. I may be wrong, and I know that relationships are different for everyone... but for me, I believe that a healthy relationship consists of two independent people. Two people that have gained enough experience to determine their morals, values, and world beliefs on their own, and although there may be some differences, they're still able to respect those ideas of the other. I feel it's very important to have searched and explored these ideas for yourself before entering into a relationship, so that you know what YOU stand for.
I've also learned that it's nobody's job to love me, but me. I used to be anxious to get into a relationship so that my worth could be validated. I needed someone to tell me I was pretty, or to kiss me to let me know that I was pretty enough, and that I was kissable. But I understand now, that no one else's opinion on that matters except my own.
However, I won't deny that I battle with low self-esteem at times because of this. But it's not just me, but society pushes this as well. As a woman, if you don't have a boyfriend/husband people ask you "Why/how are you still single?" If a man is single, no questions are necessary. Why do we have to have a reason for it? Is it not okay that we want to seek our independence and experience our world as an individual too?
Anyways, long story short... I've learned that relationships are about complementing each other, not completing each other. If you need someone to walk hand-in-hand with you to feel validated, or to experience something that you've always wanted to experience, then you're probably not ready for a healthy long-lasting relationship. If you're able to wake up in the morning, alone... look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're beautiful, that you're good enough, and that you are enough, then I think you're one step closer to being ready to having that mutual-respecting, loving, relationship that so many of us deserve.
Since then, I've learned that isn't the case at all. I may be wrong, and I know that relationships are different for everyone... but for me, I believe that a healthy relationship consists of two independent people. Two people that have gained enough experience to determine their morals, values, and world beliefs on their own, and although there may be some differences, they're still able to respect those ideas of the other. I feel it's very important to have searched and explored these ideas for yourself before entering into a relationship, so that you know what YOU stand for.
I've also learned that it's nobody's job to love me, but me. I used to be anxious to get into a relationship so that my worth could be validated. I needed someone to tell me I was pretty, or to kiss me to let me know that I was pretty enough, and that I was kissable. But I understand now, that no one else's opinion on that matters except my own.
However, I won't deny that I battle with low self-esteem at times because of this. But it's not just me, but society pushes this as well. As a woman, if you don't have a boyfriend/husband people ask you "Why/how are you still single?" If a man is single, no questions are necessary. Why do we have to have a reason for it? Is it not okay that we want to seek our independence and experience our world as an individual too?
Anyways, long story short... I've learned that relationships are about complementing each other, not completing each other. If you need someone to walk hand-in-hand with you to feel validated, or to experience something that you've always wanted to experience, then you're probably not ready for a healthy long-lasting relationship. If you're able to wake up in the morning, alone... look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're beautiful, that you're good enough, and that you are enough, then I think you're one step closer to being ready to having that mutual-respecting, loving, relationship that so many of us deserve.
31-35, F
