As for his sudden anger and listing of your faults, I might have some insight about that, based on my experience with other married men I know.
Please understand that I am NOT accusing your husband of doing the things they did. But I do have an observation to make that might apply to him.
One man I know had multiple affairs, and when his wife found out about it and dragged him into marriage counselling, he went on and on about how the affairs were HER fault: if she had been more loving, or more whatever, he would not have behaved that way.
(He has since become very ashamed of himself for doing this, and in fact he has worked really hard at repairing his relationship with his wife.)
I know another man who is in prison for sexually abusing his children. He also says that if his wife had been more whatever, he never would have engaged in abusive behavior. (Unlike the first guy, he still suffers from a delusional persecution complex and is not at all ashamed of saying such bull.)
Again, I am not accusing your husband of either infidelity or abuse. But it is not unusual for a husband to get angry at his wife because of things inside himself that he is angry at or ashamed of, and which he cannot face honestly. Perhaps if he were single, he would not have to face his inner demons. But marriage holds up a mirror in which he is forced to see himself, and he might get angry at the mirror.
