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I Am a Writer

[b]Hide Away[/b]

Some days
to wake up
is like pulling myself out of concrete
with a heart like a stone
I claw for consciousness
on the knife's edge of wakefulness.

The sun hurts my eyes again
It would seem to me that
my mind has wandered somewhere that
It should not have gone in the night, that
The night life behind my eyelids
Might have been too much too handle

Needless to say
Today I am vulnerable
Needless to say
Today's the kinda day

I'll hide behind my sunglasses
Underneath my favorite hat
Between my Headphones
Inside my jacket

Yes, I'll stow away my heavy heart
bury it in the music that sings of God
Because I would rather think of Him
Than let my heart wonder and fill in the blank lines
of what happened behind my eyelids last night
I don't wanna know what happened
I don't wanna remember what I saw
Spare my heart, Lord, of the terror of the night.

Let me hide away
for today

Sitting here at Central Park Station
Watching from behind tinted sunglasses
My heart twisting, turning, wondering if the other pairs of sunglasses
are hiding the pain inside others' brains?

Surely I'm not alone, no
I can't be the only one like this, right?
I can't be the only one freezing, suffocating
underneath this blanket of Depression...

I can't be the only one whose mind whispers
as the train rolls into the station
"Throw yourself down in front of it
Maybe then death will lift you up again"...

I've always heard there are only two
kinds of people who
wear sunglasses indoors
Those who are blind, and those who think highly of themselves

But I'm not blind, and I'm not that kinda guy who wants your attention
No, These are so you cannot
See me for me, because I hurt deeply
Leave me alone, please

Oh, but you, God, I cannot hide from you
I will not try to hide from you
Because I know there's no shadow you won't light up
No mountain you won't climb up
To find me, to be with me

I know there is no wall you won't kick down
No lie you won't tear down
Coming after me

Lord, I find myself hiding my mind away today
Far away from those around my brain
I have dressed as a mere shadow
Hiding in the crevasses of this vast mountain again

Come find me, be with me, walk with me, speak to me

This jacket is my prison, I'm stuck behind these dark lenses, pinned beneath this hat, caught between these headphones
I'm safe in here but I don't wanna be in here
As a ship in harbor is safe, but is not meant to stay there

I'm safely hidden away in the folds of melody and harmony
The walls that no man can climb have come up
It's just you and me on this white blank page
Nobody else can see through this fortress, Jesus
Only you, Only you can see, only you can gain entry

The lies of the night are in my mind, God
The sludge of this heart is hard to pull myself through
I don't want anyone else in here but you
Nobody else needs to see me this way

Only you know that I am this way
When I Hide away
For you alone are my refuge, my God
You alone are my refuge and strength.

- Atticus

4meAndyou · F
He is our rock...and our only refuge.
You are not alone ♥️

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