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I Am Lifeless In So Many Ways

The weight of the sediment is overwhelming, I sit here in the depths where the current casts out the unwanted. A place even the light of sun can not pierce. I know without me exists fresh air, the sun, moon and stars, yet I cant seem to see through the murk and muck. Slowly going mad as I chase the echoes of once happy memories. Yet I ponder was it true happiness or just the best illusion I had?
Here I sit smashing words together in hopes of finding and expressing a feeling, that reflects my mind.

here in the dark without even the stars to wish on.

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MarkPaul · 26-30, M

The stars are inside of us.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@MarkPaul i agree, yet exclude myself from that fact.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@lovingdead Well, get yourself in the circle.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@MarkPaul not possible, i am much more skilled in getting other in that circle.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@lovingdead But, not yourself? So, a guide who can't guide himself. Kind of like a fitness trainer who smokes, is overweight, and can't control his eating. Or, a life coach who is on his 4th divorce, has 3 kids out of wedlock, and hasn't been off his couch from which he picks up and eats fallen potato chips that have, up to now, gone unnoticed.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@MarkPaul somewhat, moreso a person who has faith enough for the world but not enough for themselves.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@lovingdead Have you no admirable quality?

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@MarkPaul other than my view of the world and people in it, probably not.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@lovingdead But, that view is admirable and can bridge the gap between how you see yourself and what the world thinks of you.

lovingdead · 31-35, M

@MarkPaul true, but admirable in the eyes of others, as how the strength of people is admirable when they continue forward when the rest of their world is crashing down. to the world it is nothing short of amazing, to them, it's just another day.

i do get the concept of what you are saying though