I Have Ptsd
I'm Okay (written 11/26/17 10:47am)
I believe the 2-year restraining order ended some time ago this month. I try not to remember the exact date when it was enacted. It's easier for me that way.
I've returned to my hometown this week for Thanksgiving. Naturally, being back in the city where it happened triggers memories. For the last two nights, he's made it into my dreams. I awoke feeling spent and somewhat uneasy as if my body is still trying to parse out which pieces were reality and which I can leave on my pillow as I rise for the morning.
Today, I'm not quite sure enough was left behind.
Anyways, I've become accustomed to this feeling now. It's much less intense than when the incident was fresh. It only creeps up on me every so often, and in a strength that I'm able to handle. It's more surprising than distressing now. When a thought or memory reappears I'm able to just notice it, maybe have a little heavy feeling on my heart, but then I'm able to breathe and say "Whoa... got me there." and move on.
It's nice to make light of it sometimes. It removes its power over me.
Anyways, things are going well. I believe that I've returned to nearly 75% normal at this point, and I'd say that's a good thing because I never want to go back to 100% of what I was. My hope is that this remaining 25% will be new growth. I'd like for this to be the stronger me who is able to take my past experience and make something worthwhile out of it.
I believe the 2-year restraining order ended some time ago this month. I try not to remember the exact date when it was enacted. It's easier for me that way.
I've returned to my hometown this week for Thanksgiving. Naturally, being back in the city where it happened triggers memories. For the last two nights, he's made it into my dreams. I awoke feeling spent and somewhat uneasy as if my body is still trying to parse out which pieces were reality and which I can leave on my pillow as I rise for the morning.
Today, I'm not quite sure enough was left behind.
Anyways, I've become accustomed to this feeling now. It's much less intense than when the incident was fresh. It only creeps up on me every so often, and in a strength that I'm able to handle. It's more surprising than distressing now. When a thought or memory reappears I'm able to just notice it, maybe have a little heavy feeling on my heart, but then I'm able to breathe and say "Whoa... got me there." and move on.
It's nice to make light of it sometimes. It removes its power over me.
Anyways, things are going well. I believe that I've returned to nearly 75% normal at this point, and I'd say that's a good thing because I never want to go back to 100% of what I was. My hope is that this remaining 25% will be new growth. I'd like for this to be the stronger me who is able to take my past experience and make something worthwhile out of it.
31-35, F
