I Am Struggling To Keep Myself Together
If it wasn't for my husband and daughter needing me, I'd be gone.
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rckt148 · 61-69, M
I know the feeling
I am in so much physical pain when I do the simplest things lately
I keep saying "If I can just make it 8 more years until my son is grown .
But yesterday I had to put a fuel pump in my daughters truck
And it requited removing the bed ,
It went pretty easy and my son in law was a huge help ,,but afterwards they had a party for my Grandsons first Birthday ,,I was not looking forward to it
I was in so much pain after getting the truck back together I could hardly walk ,,I didn't have time to go home and shower or take pain meds so I bearied with it .
It was my Grandsons Birthday ,but the party was for me ,,so just my kids and I could have a little cook out and cake ,,but just for my kids and grandkids and my self ,,,they are having a big party this weekend for him ,,this one was for me ,,so I could spend it with just my family ,,and everyone came
My Oldest Daughter was in a wreck a few months ago so she is still in sever pain ,,my middle one is pregnant ,due in December ,,and my youngest has been sitting night and day with a friend who passed last week so she has now been sitting with her best friend who lost her Dad ,so she was give out
But she still cooked and hosted a very good party
My oldest was as miserable as my pregnant Daughter and me ,,and she asked
Dad how do you do it ? I know you are hurting worse than us all
How do you keep going ,and there is only so much you can do when you are in pain like this ,so I am also about out of my mind with boredom ,how have you done it so long ...
And I said "Its been hard ,its been a sacrifice ,,but baby I can't keep doing it ,I want to see your brother graduate and turn 18 ,,
And then it just slipped out ,,,,,but I don't want to live another 10 yrs
Well needless to say ,I set off a lot of tears ,
As everyone told me they didn't want to hear that ,they all need me
But its hard ,,as much pain as they all were in
I have been at this for over 30 yrs ,,sometimes you envy the ones that are dying ,
They say it takes courage to face it everyday ,,,I put all my faith in God
and taking that truck bed off is not something I do everyday
But I wears on you ,,I am having to remind myself more and more my family needs me ,,,but thats not true ,,,,,no one needs a broke down man anymore
But I do want to see my little boy graduate ,maybe get married
But when you are in so much pain ,its hard to say I want to keep enduring it
So I get it ,,were it not for my kids and my love of God
Not sure I could face tomorrow ,,they are my strength
I am in so much physical pain when I do the simplest things lately
I keep saying "If I can just make it 8 more years until my son is grown .
But yesterday I had to put a fuel pump in my daughters truck
And it requited removing the bed ,
It went pretty easy and my son in law was a huge help ,,but afterwards they had a party for my Grandsons first Birthday ,,I was not looking forward to it
I was in so much pain after getting the truck back together I could hardly walk ,,I didn't have time to go home and shower or take pain meds so I bearied with it .
It was my Grandsons Birthday ,but the party was for me ,,so just my kids and I could have a little cook out and cake ,,but just for my kids and grandkids and my self ,,,they are having a big party this weekend for him ,,this one was for me ,,so I could spend it with just my family ,,and everyone came
My Oldest Daughter was in a wreck a few months ago so she is still in sever pain ,,my middle one is pregnant ,due in December ,,and my youngest has been sitting night and day with a friend who passed last week so she has now been sitting with her best friend who lost her Dad ,so she was give out
But she still cooked and hosted a very good party
My oldest was as miserable as my pregnant Daughter and me ,,and she asked
Dad how do you do it ? I know you are hurting worse than us all
How do you keep going ,and there is only so much you can do when you are in pain like this ,so I am also about out of my mind with boredom ,how have you done it so long ...
And I said "Its been hard ,its been a sacrifice ,,but baby I can't keep doing it ,I want to see your brother graduate and turn 18 ,,
And then it just slipped out ,,,,,but I don't want to live another 10 yrs
Well needless to say ,I set off a lot of tears ,
As everyone told me they didn't want to hear that ,they all need me
But its hard ,,as much pain as they all were in
I have been at this for over 30 yrs ,,sometimes you envy the ones that are dying ,
They say it takes courage to face it everyday ,,,I put all my faith in God
and taking that truck bed off is not something I do everyday
But I wears on you ,,I am having to remind myself more and more my family needs me ,,,but thats not true ,,,,,no one needs a broke down man anymore
But I do want to see my little boy graduate ,maybe get married
But when you are in so much pain ,its hard to say I want to keep enduring it
So I get it ,,were it not for my kids and my love of God
Not sure I could face tomorrow ,,they are my strength