I Am Struggling To Keep Myself Together
If it wasn't for my husband and daughter needing me, I'd be gone.
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rckt148 · 61-69, M
I know the feeling
I am in so much physical pain when I do the simplest things lately
I keep saying "If I can just make it 8 more years until my son is grown .
But yesterday I had to put a fuel pump in my daughters truck
And it requited removing the bed ,
It went pretty easy and my son in law was a huge help ,,but afterwards they had a party for my Grandsons first Birthday ,,I was not looking forward to it
I was in so much pain after getting the truck back together I could hardly walk ,,I didn't have time to go home and shower or take pain meds so I bearied with it .
It was my Grandsons Birthday ,but the party was for me ,,so just my kids and I could have a little cook out and cake ,,but just for my kids and grandkids and my self ,,,they are having a big party this weekend for him ,,this one was for me ,,so I could spend it with just my family ,,and everyone came
My Oldest Daughter was in a wreck a few months ago so she is still in sever pain ,,my middle one is pregnant ,due in December ,,and my youngest has been sitting night and day with a friend who passed last week so she has now been sitting with her best friend who lost her Dad ,so she was give out
But she still cooked and hosted a very good party
My oldest was as miserable as my pregnant Daughter and me ,,and she asked
Dad how do you do it ? I know you are hurting worse than us all
How do you keep going ,and there is only so much you can do when you are in pain like this ,so I am also about out of my mind with boredom ,how have you done it so long ...
And I said "Its been hard ,its been a sacrifice ,,but baby I can't keep doing it ,I want to see your brother graduate and turn 18 ,,
And then it just slipped out ,,,,,but I don't want to live another 10 yrs
Well needless to say ,I set off a lot of tears ,
As everyone told me they didn't want to hear that ,they all need me
But its hard ,,as much pain as they all were in
I have been at this for over 30 yrs ,,sometimes you envy the ones that are dying ,
They say it takes courage to face it everyday ,,,I put all my faith in God
and taking that truck bed off is not something I do everyday
But I wears on you ,,I am having to remind myself more and more my family needs me ,,,but thats not true ,,,,,no one needs a broke down man anymore
But I do want to see my little boy graduate ,maybe get married
But when you are in so much pain ,its hard to say I want to keep enduring it
So I get it ,,were it not for my kids and my love of God
Not sure I could face tomorrow ,,they are my strength
I am in so much physical pain when I do the simplest things lately
I keep saying "If I can just make it 8 more years until my son is grown .
But yesterday I had to put a fuel pump in my daughters truck
And it requited removing the bed ,
It went pretty easy and my son in law was a huge help ,,but afterwards they had a party for my Grandsons first Birthday ,,I was not looking forward to it
I was in so much pain after getting the truck back together I could hardly walk ,,I didn't have time to go home and shower or take pain meds so I bearied with it .
It was my Grandsons Birthday ,but the party was for me ,,so just my kids and I could have a little cook out and cake ,,but just for my kids and grandkids and my self ,,,they are having a big party this weekend for him ,,this one was for me ,,so I could spend it with just my family ,,and everyone came
My Oldest Daughter was in a wreck a few months ago so she is still in sever pain ,,my middle one is pregnant ,due in December ,,and my youngest has been sitting night and day with a friend who passed last week so she has now been sitting with her best friend who lost her Dad ,so she was give out
But she still cooked and hosted a very good party
My oldest was as miserable as my pregnant Daughter and me ,,and she asked
Dad how do you do it ? I know you are hurting worse than us all
How do you keep going ,and there is only so much you can do when you are in pain like this ,so I am also about out of my mind with boredom ,how have you done it so long ...
And I said "Its been hard ,its been a sacrifice ,,but baby I can't keep doing it ,I want to see your brother graduate and turn 18 ,,
And then it just slipped out ,,,,,but I don't want to live another 10 yrs
Well needless to say ,I set off a lot of tears ,
As everyone told me they didn't want to hear that ,they all need me
But its hard ,,as much pain as they all were in
I have been at this for over 30 yrs ,,sometimes you envy the ones that are dying ,
They say it takes courage to face it everyday ,,,I put all my faith in God
and taking that truck bed off is not something I do everyday
But I wears on you ,,I am having to remind myself more and more my family needs me ,,,but thats not true ,,,,,no one needs a broke down man anymore
But I do want to see my little boy graduate ,maybe get married
But when you are in so much pain ,its hard to say I want to keep enduring it
So I get it ,,were it not for my kids and my love of God
Not sure I could face tomorrow ,,they are my strength
LonelyTears · 31-35, F
SW-User
what's wrong with you?
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rckt148 · 61-69, M
@Medelan I know that feeling too ,and I have prayed for your child
Our son almost died when he was 3 weeks old ,
He could not keep any formula down ,and nothing they tried worked
I kept begging them to run tests on him ,but until they witnesses the projectile vomiting ,they only changed his formula
When he lost so much weight he looked like a baby bird and his skin just hung on him ,they finally did the test that revealed a birth defect that required surgery ,he was so dehydrated they couldn't draw blood ,,they had to cut "V"notches in his skin to force a drop of blood from him ,I was so scared
They had to build him up with IV's for 4 days to operate and he was not allowed any food ,,his little face was burned with stomach acid from vomiting
until they gave him antacids ,,while the hospital also botched his Moms "C" section ,leaving a hole in her abdomen after 3 weeks big enough to stick your fist in ,,and 5 months of wound care for her until I finally called a Senator
and that put the fear of God in them and a surgeon finally repaired the mess the obgyn made ,,it was a very scary few months ,,but Mom and son came out of it fine ,
But I did a lot of cussing people out ,and a lot of praying
I pray all goes well and you child comes out of it fine
I do understand that feeling
For a time I thought I was going to lose my son and his Mom
every day for 5 months I was at the hospital begging someone to help
I was doing wound care at home and having to have her at the hospital every day ,and we almost went broke
Its a damn shame I have had to call a senator twice ,to get doctors to do their jobs ,,,while they played games with my loved ones life
Our son almost died when he was 3 weeks old ,
He could not keep any formula down ,and nothing they tried worked
I kept begging them to run tests on him ,but until they witnesses the projectile vomiting ,they only changed his formula
When he lost so much weight he looked like a baby bird and his skin just hung on him ,they finally did the test that revealed a birth defect that required surgery ,he was so dehydrated they couldn't draw blood ,,they had to cut "V"notches in his skin to force a drop of blood from him ,I was so scared
They had to build him up with IV's for 4 days to operate and he was not allowed any food ,,his little face was burned with stomach acid from vomiting
until they gave him antacids ,,while the hospital also botched his Moms "C" section ,leaving a hole in her abdomen after 3 weeks big enough to stick your fist in ,,and 5 months of wound care for her until I finally called a Senator
and that put the fear of God in them and a surgeon finally repaired the mess the obgyn made ,,it was a very scary few months ,,but Mom and son came out of it fine ,
But I did a lot of cussing people out ,and a lot of praying
I pray all goes well and you child comes out of it fine
I do understand that feeling
For a time I thought I was going to lose my son and his Mom
every day for 5 months I was at the hospital begging someone to help
I was doing wound care at home and having to have her at the hospital every day ,and we almost went broke
Its a damn shame I have had to call a senator twice ,to get doctors to do their jobs ,,,while they played games with my loved ones life
Dionysus · 41-45, F
That's very loving of you.