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I Am The Other Woman

Just a question in hopes to get advice...

Is it ever okay for a betrayed spouse to expose the other womEn involved in a secret relationship with a husband?

Reason why I am asking - my SBXH mistress called me to expose the affair (i already knew and knew that she was not the only one he was involved with) I did not want to hurt her feelings because she seemed to be so proud of competing with me (even though I didn't know that I was in competition with her) and she was sure that he wanted only her. She claimed that my SBXH was playing us against one another and all I could do was laugh and feel pity for her.

I have solid proof that he was involved in three other relationships during the time he was involved with busybody mistress. She was so stuck on me that she couldn't see that she wasn't the only woman that he was lying to.

We are divorcing (final paperwork should be here in less than two weeks) and the day that I kicked his sorry behind out was the first day in years that I felt GREAT!!! All the lies that I read through text messages to all these women and thinking back on our marriage and how much he lied, finally I had peace!!!

The revelation from the busybody other woman was not news to me. I was collecting evidence and making sure my ducks were in a row before I had his ass served with divorce papers. The good thing about it, I had the divorce papers served while he was with mistress #2. LOL... with pictures of him with busybody mistress #1, #2, #3 & #4. The private investigator had all the evidence that I needed to begin a brand new life!

So should I have said something to the woman who exposed the affair? Some of our married friends and family seems to think that I should have and no I never told of his deceit but once everyone found out that we were divorcing, they all knew that it was because he was cheating. He always bragged on being a good father, husband and man to us but the key ingredient that he was missing was it all was a facade. If he was that damn good to me, why in the world would I be divorcing him? His sister knew right away, right along with his father, brother and kids.

My relief is knowing that I have broken the curse that he has tried to put on our family. My children will no longer be afraid of their father when he's in a rage. No more violence and disrespect in my home.

Should I have told her? What do you think?
if it is as you say
[quote] I have broken the curse that he has tried to put on our family. My children will no longer be afraid of their father when he's in a rage. No more violence and disrespect in my home.
[/quote]
then you have done well
Ciarra · 36-40, F
@SatyrService It is!!! I am in counseling and the kids are in counseling. We all our healing slowly but surely and it feels good to hear the kids laughing and enjoying life.
@Ciarra best of love to you and yours
SW-User
First, I want to say, I think you are an amazing woman! Not too many people would hold it together to make sure they had all their ducks in a row the way you seem to have done. Bravo girl!

No one would fault you for telling her. Should you tell her? That's up to you. Whether you do it to spite her, or do it because you feel sorry for her, doesn't matter. Your motivation isn't important to her. She'll think whatever she thinks, you can't control how she processes it. If you have a desire to do it, then go for it. If you can't be bothered, then don't. I don't think this is anyone's call but yours. There is no right or wrong here in this situation IMO.
Ciarra · 36-40, F
@SW-User Thank you! I have children and never want to hurt someone IF it's not called for. I had to protect my children from the harm and lies being spilled into our lives. In protecting them, I went into Mommy mode and set up a safe haven for the children to thrive in. Getting my ducks in a row comes with the territory of being a responsible human being.

Thanks!!!
Ciarra · 36-40, F
And despite us divorcing, he sends me flowers and gifts weekly. My attorney has asked him to stop but he continues doing this.

Should I tell his mistress this too?
SW-User
@Ciarra lol. Send her pics of the gifts and flowers along with the cards attached to them.

Honestly, at some point after the divorced is finalized, he'll drop her, or not give her the full on attention she's expecting. She's too needy for him. He's shown he's not a one or two woman kind of guy. She's never going to get the life she's expecting.
Ciarra · 36-40, F
@SW-User LOL!!! Should I also send them pics of his text messages asking me to stop the divorce and for us to try again? LOL!!!
SW-User
@Ciarra Yep! 🤣
WellFrog · 56-60, M
Given what you have imparted about her, it is unlikely she would have believed you. She imagined herself superior in his eyes and would have taken the news as an attempt on your part to sew doubts.

His lover who was shown that she is not the exclusive mistress either is likely going to expose his antics to the rest, including busybody, far more effectively.
Ciarra · 36-40, F
@WellFrog You are right, she would not have believed me. She was certain that he wanted her and only her. She believed that he wanted to divorce me but was waiting until our children were grown. She only exposed it because he did not go to a doctors appointment with her when she was diagnosed with cancer. She believed his lies and still believe his lies. My goal from the day that I became a mother was to protect my children. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be protecting them from their own father. The good thing about the counseling that we are all in is that we get the chance to fully heal and to invite him into our lives but with boundaries. The kids are growing stronger daily and I am VERY proud of them!
WellFrog · 56-60, M
@Ciarra Good to hear positive news about your children. They are the most important ones.

 
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