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I Wish I Could Live My Life Differently

How would I live if I lived as if my prayers had been answered and my dreams guaranteed? What would I do differently?

That's a big question! I have lived my life as if disaster was always just around the corner and that I had to save myself... no one or nothing was helping. For that, my life has been a disaster zone with crisis around every turn.

But what if everything I needed and wanted was already given to me, I just had to be open enough to receive it. How can I live in a more open way, trusting life and that everything is worked out in my favor if I just stopped resisting.

Doing it my way has gotten me any closer to reaching my goals and dreams and I've struggled the entire journey... so what if I let go and surrendered to life in it's infinite wisdom, quieted just enough to be able to hear life's divine guidance and know that nothing is every wasted; not time, not experience, not Me.

What would that look like? How would my thoughts, feelings and behaviors change?

Is it even possible to undo 40 years of conditioning and live a life more in tune with the natural flow and not fight it?

I don't know but I damn sure gonna try! I want to stop fighting life cause I'm losing! There has to be a better way. I have read that you attract in life what you think and believe so if you think lack you will attract lack, if you think favor, life will give you favor. All I know is my current life strategy hasn't worked so well so thinking better thoughts, feelings more productive feelings and behaving in ways that produce the kind of life I deserve sounds pretty good to me!

Now I just have to figure out how. LOL

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PhoenixPhail · M

Wow! What a great post. I think you're definitely on the right track. Maybe it starts with self acceptance and consciousness. You already sound as though you're headed in the right direction with those.

It might help to see the mechanics of how you came to be where you are. Ask yourself questions; How was your family life as a child? Were you abused? Do you have pain in your life as a result of things like being bullied, ignored, shamed, manipulated - things like that. There's got to be SOME reason you've lived your life as if disaster were always just around the corner. What experiences did you have that scared you? See what behaviors you've taken on to protect yourself from the painful feelings and beliefs which may have resulted from painful experiences. Look at your coping devices and survival strategies, but don't trash them. Instead, make friends with them. Thank them for saving your life when you needed for them to. Know those devices and beliefs are outmoded. They've simply taken on a life of their own, completely separate from the circumstances which motivated you to set them up. Take them off of automatic pilot, and fly with the use of your own consciousness. Listen to your body. Your feelings will let you know what choices to make. When the old ego/identity, survival paradigm comes back online and tries to reclaim its power - demands you do what IT wants you to, instead of what your natural guidance system informs you is best - remind yourself that that's all it is. Thank it for being there when you needed for it to be, and put it back on the shelf. Don't let your feelings push you around. Be good to yourself. Pamper yourself. Take baby steps. Spend time with good friends who are willing to listen to what you're feeling and doing with your life. Feel with them. Emote with them. Talk from your heart, not your head. You're really on to something good here. Don't get discouraged. And when you do, take a nap.

Good Luck.

aniave · 46-50, F

Thank you! I am doing just that! I've tried to ignore the "call" for change and self-reflection but that doesn't seem to work any more. I am doing everything you wrote actually. You must have also worked thru stuff like this yourself. I am working thru a few books and programs. I am focused on healing my life, answering those unsettling questions and analyzing my behaviors, reactions and beliefs.

When I turned 40 I was excited. I didn't have the getting old fear. I saw as a new beginning to a life I had only dreamed of, an opportunity for a "second act" but almost 2 years into my 40's and I am no closer to living the life I dreamt of than I was the day I turned 40 and so I said to myself.... girl, get yo ass together! haha You are stuck or blocked or screwed up or whatever it is, fix it. So that's what I'm doing.

I am using this site as a pseudo-journal. I have a written journal that I use to answer questions, keep notes, practice exercises but I also do some of it here.

PhoenixPhail · M

I love that you're doing this work. And yes, this is the work I'm doing with myself, too. I have a new book I haven't gotten into yet. It's called "The Completion Process," written by Teal Swan, one of the spiritual teachers who's been most beneficial to me. It seems it might be a good one for you. Here's an introduction to it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jty-QG_N8c

Like you, I have a lot of materials I study to help me through my trauma. I think this book, and the work I'm doing with my somatic therapist, are the ultimate guides.

If you would care to talk about particular situations, or anything, for that matter, you can PM me. I would welcome that. I hope we talk again soon.

Have a Great Day.

pearllederman · 61-69, F

i feel the same way

Kateygurl · F

Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.

SW-User

😑

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