I Have a Mental Illness
Okay. So. I have social anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. I've probably had signs of a few other things in my life, too. I can pinpoint where the anxiety comes from. I was extremely sheltered as a kid. So now that I'm an adult, it's really difficult for me to do things that "normal" adults do. Going to unfamiliar places, meeting new people, and spending the night away from home are major issues for me. Anything new, anything that's a major change, causes me great anxiety. Even things that don't involve me. Like my friend moving into her first apartment. It freaked me out.
I feel like I still need permission to go anywhere. I feel like I still need to call my dad and tell him exactly where I am and when I'll be home. I feel like a kid who got lost at the mall. It's sometimes kind of fun to do adult things, but it's usually really frightening and makes me extremely anxious. I have a part time job while I'm on break from school, and it makes me really anxious.
I'm depressed for a number of reasons, one being that my mom died of accidental overdose two years ago. She caused a lot of problems in my family but I still love her and miss her so much. It feels like I'm alone. I'm really desperate for a relationship, some sort of close connection, that can make me realize that I'm not alone. But of course relationships are hard and new to me, which drives my anxiety up. It would be worth it if I could just find someone.
I'm exhausted, emotionally, nowadays. I'm scared and unsure of my future. I'm an artist going to college, and I'm trying for graduate school, but I'm just so terrified of the outcome. I worry about it every day.
I wish I had an easy going brain. One that would let me just go with whatever life gave me. One that doesn't short circuit when things don't go as planned or when something suddenly changes. One that lets me enjoy these changes, not run from them...
I feel like I still need permission to go anywhere. I feel like I still need to call my dad and tell him exactly where I am and when I'll be home. I feel like a kid who got lost at the mall. It's sometimes kind of fun to do adult things, but it's usually really frightening and makes me extremely anxious. I have a part time job while I'm on break from school, and it makes me really anxious.
I'm depressed for a number of reasons, one being that my mom died of accidental overdose two years ago. She caused a lot of problems in my family but I still love her and miss her so much. It feels like I'm alone. I'm really desperate for a relationship, some sort of close connection, that can make me realize that I'm not alone. But of course relationships are hard and new to me, which drives my anxiety up. It would be worth it if I could just find someone.
I'm exhausted, emotionally, nowadays. I'm scared and unsure of my future. I'm an artist going to college, and I'm trying for graduate school, but I'm just so terrified of the outcome. I worry about it every day.
I wish I had an easy going brain. One that would let me just go with whatever life gave me. One that doesn't short circuit when things don't go as planned or when something suddenly changes. One that lets me enjoy these changes, not run from them...
