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I Have a Mental Illness

Ive suffered from depression/anxiety for the past decade of my life. As a child my stepfather tried to kill me. Thats when the depression started. I was 10. At 13 i was on antidepressants and i would reject them. Eventually i stopped taking them. By senior year of high school i was struggling. I went from being an A student to barely passing. My school counsler had even told me i could have done better. Move out on my own and i finally think im doing ok. Then a coworker threatens to kill me because i spilled a drink. At that point my life spiraled. I stopped sleeping. All i wanted to do is lay in bed. Now im left playing trial and error on drugs to sleep. Im also angry... i dont know why but im angry at everything. I dont know how long work will let me get away with getting at customers (were they being asshats? yes. Did they deserve it? probably) i also dont know what id do without my current job. Its getting harder and harder though to go to work everyday. Getting out of bed has become a great acomplishment.

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iamnikki · 31-35, F

have you tried working a different shift/position at work? Have you tried melatonin...its a NATURAL sleep aid. Someone at work threatening you over spilling a drink is nothing to get depressed about it, they are an idiot.

Nyanperona · 26-30, T

It brought up memories that ive repressed. Also without a degree or enough experiance ive been kinda pushed into a corner of what can hire me

friedchickenwing · 22-25, F

Depression results from malfunctions within the brain's circuitry so there might be triggers that we can't relate to. (Think of it as any other organ being unable to work regularly due to a disorder). Although it might not be something we'd get depressed about, it's not really up to us to say.

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@Nyanperona: what brought up memories? Have u tried melatonin? go to school part time.

Nyanperona · 26-30, T

@iamnikki: what brought them up was the coworker threating me. I did go to school part time but wound up failing thanks to my depression. While melatonin does help the very vivid dreams i got from it wernt a plus i found i really didnt like being chased by a person with a knife and never escapeing night after night

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@Nyanperona: so you wont take the thing that helps you sleep because of nightmare...which aren't real? Doesn't sound like you want sleep...

Nyanperona · 26-30, T

@iamnikki: They may not be real but the effect they leave are very real. Plus i dont see how waking up from nightmares helps sleep either. Unless youve been where i am and know exactly how im feeling you have no reason to judge why i make my descion. Im now on serquel which works so long as im not very upset or anxious. This will get me through till april when i go and see a sleep specialist.

iamnikki · 31-35, F

@Nyanperona: i said it doesn't sound like you want sleep, maybe you do. Some people drive themselves in circles. Sweet dreams.