I Shouldnt Be Alive

Obviously i'm not dead yet. But their was a time where I lost my way as a teenager and abused substances regularly for almost a year. I think back how often I was in a car with drunk friends or how close I was to ODing.

I once drove a car while high and very nearly got into a fatal car accident which more then certainly would have either killed me or damaged me for life. But somehow im alive and well.

When I go through depressive episodes I wonder if im even meant to be alive. Am I just lucky? I don't know. I look at all the kids who were my age that I know of who did the same things I did and lost their lives. Nothing makes me any different from them. Except for the fact that someway somehow im alive.