I Am a Victim of Emotional Abuse

Some of you say I’m doing this for attention well, I’m not. You guys don’t need to cast judgement on me. You have no idea how much it takes just for me to say it on here. I’m afraid that one day she will find these and hurt me more than she needs to. I can’t drive away. Why? Because the only one who is willing to do it mistreats me so bad. She says why, so you can so you can be disappointed by life? So you can complain to someone? No one cares what you have to say anymore they’re done hearing it. I do self harm because I take what she says to heart. I know I shouldn’t but I do. I have low self esteem and I don’t know how to talk to anyone. So hoping if I write these down I can just show someone instead of stuttering my sentences and making them be impatient by my speaking abilities.