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I Cant Remember My Past

I can't remember much of it because of being in a constant state of abuse for a good portion of my life. My brain has a wonderful way of erasing past events or people from my memory if they hurt me really bad. It's like I know certain things have happened but I can't really remember going through it. It's pretty nice to have after dealing with the heartache and fallout after an event. Quite useful indeed.

Recently, I had lost a close friend and came to terms with it. After that, my mind already got to work and started smudging her out of my memory. Occasionally, I get flashbacks or little reminders of her and feel a sense of loss. Though, after yesterday I erased so much of her that she doesn't have any sense of importance to me anymore. It feels like she's been burried deep in my past now. Really, if I'm sad at all, it's mostly because I miss being understood and close with someone. It has nothing to do with her anymore. Of course, that's what she wanted.

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HermannFegelein · 26-30, M

Its a good defense mechanism but you really can't even call it that because you're unaware of the past. It doesn't haunt your present which is good. I do the same thing. I can't remember most people from high school and it's only been 3 years since I've graduated. I've had old classmates come up to me and say "hey what's up Chris?!...how you been?!" and i get so confused because they look familiar but my mind had "deleted data" on them including their name.

SW-User

@HermannFegelein ha, yeah, exactly. :p Though, I still get flashbacks here and there. They don't bother me too much if I don't let it.

The worst thing about this is when the delete button gets jammed. As I said, I can't remember most of my life and that includes some of the good things that have happened too.

english · 56-60, M

preteen abuse sexual or mental,Is the worse leaving the most damage affecting all areas of your life with no therapy ever going to make it better.The best preteen victims can ever expect is acceptance ,and that comes on many levels. The only people who can help people who have been abused are other survivors . In my experience and ive spoken to thousands of survivors, the fallout after the abuse ,is a 1/000 times worse than abuse . sorry i got to ramblin

Madelenie · 26-30, F

Is it really not about missing being understood "by her" and close with "her"?..

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SW-User

@Madelenie lol a part of me does. 💙

Alters as in split personalities. We can be ourselves one moment then [i]boom[/i], different person. She has it worse than I do though. Me? I still have a little tiny bit of control and filter most of the time. Where she will actually say or do things that just sort of slip out even though her main self is present. Lol I know this is confusing as shit. Ha!!

Madelenie · 26-30, F

@SW-User Nuh uh!! Marshy likes philosophy and psychology! She understands people can have alters, The Story of Billy is a good book ( ͡◕ ͜ʖ ͡◕)/

SW-User

@Madelenie hahahahaha! I gotcha, Marshy! :D Thank you!

I'll put that down in my list of books to read. :)

TechniCoIorBroccoli · 46-50, F

Glad to see there's someone else who works on block mode. I couldn't have survived if my mind didn't erase half the things.

SW-User

@TechniCoIorBroccoli Absolutely! :)

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