Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

I Am Tired

Every once in a great while, I experience a day like today. The fog drifts in. Not all at once. Just a little at a time. Chipping away at my light.... Seemingly robbing me of smiles and humor that are the typical me.

Today. I look in the mirror and am aghast at my reflection. Symmetry no longer.... fr<x>amed only in grotesque darkness.

The old familiar numbness envelopes me like a well worn blanket...as if damping my light and muting my joy.

Today I do hear chirping birds nor do I see brilliant spring colors. Only gray grass and charcoal colors do I see.

I do not wish for encouragement. I do not wish for light. I dream only of long sleep and no voices.

I think perhaps love should not have to be so hard. Perhaps I have discovered the far side of empathy. The Universe and I are not on speaking terms this dreary Texas day. F%ck you universe for making me feel. Just let me go.
Gracey0079
I can relate to this. Anyone familiar with the "dark cloud" can. As with all dark clouds, there is a silver lining in this one, too. It comes when the darkness lifts... And the euphoric feeling of happiness arrives once again. Those who don't know the dips and dives down, concurrently don't know the joy involved in the climb back up.
It took me twenty plus years to figure out how to beat my "darkness." I now understand that the only way out is through keeping busy despite the desire to hide and sleep... To ignore the beast despite it's ringing alarm in my ears... To consciously choose a different path. Having said that, there are days when, like you, I lose the battle. I can handle losing days, however, when I understand losing years.
Thinking of you... xxx
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Thanks Gracey. It doesn't happen as often as it used to so its a little surprising when it sneaks up on me. Thanks for your thoughtful response.
bleedingheart11
You have my empathy. I know exactly where you are and how you are feeling....I've been there more than my share of times. Owning how I felt helped me. We tend to show off happiness and mask sorrow...show off elation and mask hurt....show off pride and mask guilt. You have to own and accept the bad feelings as much as you do the good. They are still a part of you.
Just like I have to suffer through a harsh winter to really appreciate a beautiful summer...we have to suffer through the bad days to really appreciate the good ones.
~B~
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Thanks my longest EP friend!! I feel better today. In a big time masker.
bleedingheart11
I'm always available if you need to talk or vent or just need a distraction.
mmorgam
There are days as these, and that's why then, we can enjoy the Spring ones so much.
It has been said. Rest, sleep with the hopeless that you only need a boost to do a better and special day tomorrow.

You write very well. I would steal you as my English teacher. :-)
DaydreamingSleepwalker
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement.
mmorgam
Your very welcome!!
HearMyEscape
You are speaking my language... Feel it with all of your might, let it encompass you with its fury. Allow it to shelter you with its grey cover. For it not be a fuck it day, you fight would not be tested. Hear what it's telling you, turn that bitch over and own it....
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Thanks HME. I agree that sometimes you just have to hunker down and weather the storm. Fortunately it passed. I feel great today. Thanks for your nice response.
DaughterOfRain
I think sometimes it's necessary to sit awhile in the shadows. Then, when the light pierces through the gray and conquers the dark, you'll shine a bit brighter. It'll be okay.
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
This was a beautiful poetic response. Thank you.
mmorgam
I would also steal you as my English teacher. :-)
DaughterOfRain
Haha, I'm a librarian. Will that do? :)
JoannaBe
There is a right time for everything under the heavens, including a time for telling the universe to go ef itself, as well as a time when the universe efs us. This too shall pass, and then it will be time to look at it again, and see that it is good.
pinkstarburst
*sits quietly next to my friend* Just gonna sit here...no words.
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Yup. Lol
pinkstarburst
((((((HHHHUUUUGGGG)))))
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Thank you PSB. I'm all fixed!!
DaydreamingSleepwalker
Everyday i wake up to grey overcast mornings.
Hoping to change that soon. I'm glad that yours is only occasional.
You are an amazing writer by the way...
PatriciaLynn
I completely understand your feelings my friend... I'm here for you, I'm only a message away... I think you know that! This too shall pass *Smooch*
Hazeleyes2010
It shall pass too. It happens sometimes. You will enjoy the spring colors again . Just let it pass.
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Luckily I feel waaaaaay better today.
cloudi
I'm not good with words but I feel you and am sending lots of virtual hugs for you :-)
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Thank you. That is very thoughtful. I really appreciate it. I truly believe in energy sharing.
cloudi
Hope it'll be an awesome day for you!!! ^_^
txbtrfly
I don't like this one at all :(
txbtrfly
I hope today is better
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Waaaaaaaaaaay better.
txbtrfly
Very glad to hear that
bethany444
Sometimes the shadows win. Hold tight, it will pass.
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Thanks!! I really appreciate it!!!
bethany444
Better today?
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Yes. Much!!
ijustneed2talk
This is familiar. It's almost poetic. And concerning but I know it. Get some sleep, don't let it take over.
Carissimi
You express your feelings exquisitely. I hope you and the Universe make up soon. Be well.
justNIK
(((Hugs))) this too shall pass, my friend.
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Thanks JN!!!
ynotjenn
Must be something in the air
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
You too?
ynotjenn
Somewhat. Just in a funk. It'll pass. Always does :)
Adventurousprofiler
I am too familiar, I wish you renewed strength and peace, and desire
geminikygirl16
Message me if you need to talk. I get that
TorridHeart
I have a nice pot of coffee if you'd like to talk.
PatriciaLynn
I happy you're feeling better.
mjustme
Yea me too !! Argh
purplehaze78
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Thanks!

 
Post Comment