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I Am Tired

Every once in a great while, I experience a day like today. The fog drifts in. Not all at once. Just a little at a time. Chipping away at my light.... Seemingly robbing me of smiles and humor that are the typical me.

Today. I look in the mirror and am aghast at my reflection. Symmetry no longer.... fr<x>amed only in grotesque darkness.

The old familiar numbness envelopes me like a well worn blanket...as if damping my light and muting my joy.

Today I do hear chirping birds nor do I see brilliant spring colors. Only gray grass and charcoal colors do I see.

I do not wish for encouragement. I do not wish for light. I dream only of long sleep and no voices.

I think perhaps love should not have to be so hard. Perhaps I have discovered the far side of empathy. The Universe and I are not on speaking terms this dreary Texas day. F%ck you universe for making me feel. Just let me go.
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bleedingheart11
You have my empathy. I know exactly where you are and how you are feeling....I've been there more than my share of times. Owning how I felt helped me. We tend to show off happiness and mask sorrow...show off elation and mask hurt....show off pride and mask guilt. You have to own and accept the bad feelings as much as you do the good. They are still a part of you.
Just like I have to suffer through a harsh winter to really appreciate a beautiful summer...we have to suffer through the bad days to really appreciate the good ones.
~B~
Texaspilot · 51-55, M
Thanks my longest EP friend!! I feel better today. In a big time masker.
bleedingheart11
I'm always available if you need to talk or vent or just need a distraction.