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I Think I Think Too Much

When left idle for too long, sometimes I start thinking too much, and about things that I shouldn't be thinking about. I sometimes start to feel upset about things that haven't actually happened. I was in the drug store today and I walked through the aisle where they have all the birthday and holiday cards and stuff, and as I was walking past, I spotted a "sorry for your loss" card meant for someone who had lost their child. It made me imagine what would happen if I died, and I began feeling upset and distressed over the thought of my father grieving my death. Which is a senseless thing for me to think about because it's not even real, I'm still here alive and my father is just fine. But it really wracked me. There's very few things in this world that truly hurt me, but seeing my dad upset is one of them, so even imagining it made me feel like I wanted to curl in a ball and sob. So there I was in a goddamned CVS on the brink of an emotional meltdown because I saw a stupid ass card and my unchecked imagination started feeding me despondent thoughts of my own premature death. Sometimes I really hate my own mind.

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CrustyDDingus · 36-40, M

Yikes, I remember thinking very similar thoughts about my mom dying when I was 12, and sure enough about 12 years later it happened. Not sure why I figured she'd go first, given my dad's 10 years older than she was so normally the father goes first in a family. 🤔

BlueMetalChick · 26-30, F

@CrustyDDingus My father is twelve years older than my mother but I knew she was gonna die first because she was always in poor health even from my childhood as where my dad is in nearly superhuman physical condition for a man of 59.

Elandra77

I am normally one for words;that is whose words come easily. But this touched me as well and I am bit reluctant and lost as to what to say that is appropriate. I think that had to be very hard on you-knowing how you can visualize things..and TBH I feel for you. I have wondered before how my mother would feel if I suddenly passed on. Me, her only child. I wish she and I wee close like you and your father are but issues have kept us at a distance.

The mind is a odd thing-how is associates and disassociates, people, places and events. Some of which may not have even happened.

I really feel for you regarding your incident today.

BlueMetalChick · 26-30, F

@Elandra77 There's a little bit more to it, but it's not for a public discussion. It's why I've been thinking so much about it lately.

Elandra77

@BlueMetalChick I understand.

Msp940 · 41-45, M

You're not alone in imagining what would happen if you died or a close relative died. I can't say I have much of an emotional response but there is the realization of how much we depend on each other.

Tatsumi · 31-35, M

It happens. Just gotta check that shit and reject the thought and move on. Nothing much else to do. But, I get where you're coming from. It's probably happened to me at some point, before.

ronisme1 · 61-69, M

blue - they are called feelings and emotions- and every human being has them. You have felt them many times b4 with your sister, mom and others. They are nothing to be ashamed of. When you get to my age you think them sometimes but just refuse to allow them to get you down - You are one tough young lady but you are also human. Roll with them and enjoy the thought that your dad is still alive and with you.

Pfuzylogic · M

Thecmind is an associative beast. It is almost like you were daydreaming and becam unaware of your surroundings.

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Pfuzylogic · M

@BlueMetalChick
Straight out tripping without the drugs can get pretty cathartic 😍

BlueMetalChick · 26-30, F

@Pfuzylogic Oh we weren't doing drugs. Which sounds like a lie given my history but it's not.

Pfuzylogic · M

@BlueMetalChick
That is what I am saying.
You have been through so much shit you don’t need the drugs!

SW-User

I think It's more embarrassing to think this way when you're a guy :') 😅

BlueMetalChick · 26-30, F

@SW-User It shouldn't be. Males have no reason to feel more self conscious about their emotions than females do. In this situation it was because of how I feel towards a family member. No man should ever feel embarrassed for loving his own father like I love mine.

SW-User

@BlueMetalChick idk, I was taught that it's usually shameful for males to have much emotions anyway.. let alone having emotions from a hypothetical imaginary situation

BlueMetalChick · 26-30, F

@SW-User In some cases I could understand it. Like getting emotional over a puppy or some stupid shit like dumb girls do. But that's "extra" shit.

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