I've found that if you let it, the pain does not stop but over time it contracts to a manageable presence.
I know nobody who ever loved me would want me to be perpetually crippled by grief.
My father died in 1989 and there are still times I think, "Dad will laugh so hard at that. I have to call him." Then I remember, and briefly it's like the first day.
It's often useful if you can talk about the person you lost with someone else who was close. I think that's because it helps you realize they are still part of your world in a different form.
Your loved one is part of you, brain, blood and sinew. Be glad for that.
@Mamapolo2016 “It’s often useful if you can talk about the person you lost with someone else who was close. I think that's because it helps you realize they are still part of your world in a different form.”
@BananaBrown And in time it usually causes laughter, not tears. "Remember the time they....?"
SW-User
I lost my parents when I was 7 and it took me a lot of years to accept it. I was very angry at the world, I struggled with blame and regret, I missed them so much and hated them for leaving me. Grief is the worst thing we ever face. I try to look at photos and talk about memories, the worst feeling is not remembering so I do what I can to make sure their memory lives on and in some way they’re still with me. Some days are hard, really hard and you kind of just have to accept that and know that you need to hurt and cry and mourn and then you pick yourself back up. It’s not what you want to hear but the pain never goes away, I don’t think it ever hurts less. The difference is that it’s less consuming and your brain has space for happy times too
@SW-User I’m so sorry for your loss. At least I had many years with my dad. I can only imagine having to deal with something so awful when so young. Thank you for the words of encouragement🧡
SW-User
@BananaBrown you are lucky that you will have so many memories to treasure - on the bad days those memories will bring tears in the good days they’ll bring smiles. I’m sure there are far older and wiser people on here but I’d just say don’t fight what you’re feeling. Let yourself cry when you need to and know that it will be ok
Remember the good. And reminding yourself that the person probably wouldn't want you living in a state of grief can be helpful too. As can being grateful. Good luck.
I learned to live with it. I've lost people to death and I do miss them. There's nothing I can do about it. It's like the saying, "The show must go on". It hurts and I pray for them. On their birthdays, I donate to charities as a memory. They may have left but their memory will always be with me. Their smile always resonates in my heart.
@Beatbox34 That is a beautiful idea, donating to charity on their birthdays, in honor of them. Thank you 🧡
SW-User
I've been spending a lot of time doing things in his memory... learning how to cut glass and make stained glass projects. I'm doing a garden area with things that fit what we were planning and shared... soon, making a few stepping stones to add. I cry a lot. Even this has me crying.
@SW-User I love the garden idea, and I’m sorry for your loss too. Thank you for sharing💜
SW-User
@BananaBrown I don't think we ever quit caring and the love is always there... a year, ten years, a life time. Those who truly touch our hearts are the ones we never stop missing... and missing someone is a true sign of loving them. I hope your heart smiles a bit more than it cries... mine is beginning to.
I cry. It happened yesterday while I was hiking. I was listening to candle in the wind by Elton John and it made me think of her and I burst out crying.
@BananaBrown I was singing to the song, I mean I was alone and out in the middle of nowhere and BAM!!! It hit me and I couldn't even continue singing. Thanks. :)
It's different for all of us. I have to keep to myself. The ocean helps, 😔 I've even gone to some of the places they loved and sat there in silence thinking of them. When my sister was killed in a car accident I was given the necklace she was wearing, it still had blood on it. I sat at the spot on the ocean we used to go to. 💙💦 You made me think of her because you posted this on her birthday...June the 9th. I wear her necklace all the time. The void of losing her will never go away, but I KNOW I will see her again and that's what keeps me going.😌💞God bless you and all that you are going through.💫
I handle the hardest days by remembering the ones I've lost aren't lost, at all. They're still here, just in a different vibrational realm from the physical. I look for them where they are instead of where they were - with my emotional senses instead of my physical senses.
Allow yourself to grieve, seek comfort in other loved ones and friends, be grateful that you knew the one you lost and for them being in your life, distract yourself with other activities, give yourself time and allow yourself to move on...
I lost both my parents and 3 siblings in a car accident 18 years ago. There are days that I can't even get out of bed. Some days I cry the entire day and other days that I will bust out crying for no reason. I have survivor guilt and I still go to therapy to cope with it. I guess the thing that helps me the most is I can still hear my Mom's voice telling me when you think you have it bad that there are people that have it worse. But I can remember a lot of days that have been the worse for me.
Not very well. I try to sort of compartmentalize the parts that bring on the most intense grief, now, and only let those feelings out sometimes. I try to just be grateful that I had that returned love as long as I did, and know that my dad wouldn't want my missing him to hurt so much all the time.
You have the memory of them, imagine they're still here and talk to them. I haven't lost anyone important yet luckily but this is what I'd do. Also if you believe in an afterlife than you can think of it like they're just taking a long nap
A year is not a long time. I hope you're not feeling like you SHOULD be "over the pain" by now. That's insane. There is no time frame. As time passes you'll begin to accept it. Let yourself feel the loss until then. It WILL get better. Very sorry that you lost someone close.
@fernie2 I suppose, though I found it helpful to accept it and then let it go. Otherwise, you might be waiting your entire life for an apology that you’ll never receive.
The way grief works is your life grows longer, bigger around the pain. It’s not that it shrinks you just have more room for it. I’m sorry you’ve lost someone you love. That space they leave behind is the worst. 🌻
